depression

Right now I am sitting on my new ikea couch with my kitty on my shoulder. He apparently loves this position since the couch behind him supports him, but he is still close to me.  My cat has always loved sleeping across my ample chest and would get annoyed that he couldn't sleep across my husband's without slipping down. I think that he likes feeling me breathe actually. Having him with me makes me feel so warm and cuddly.  

Its been a hard road this last week to find warm and cuddly.  For the first time in three years I tried to go off of my medicine and see if I could cope. I couldn't. I was okay for about a week but a bit grouchy and irritable and for some reason really judgemental of my husband.  Last night it came to a boiling point. I was just so incredibly miserable and after my husband and I got into it just one time too many, he asked me to get my medicine.  

Today, while I was exhausted this morning as a side effect from the meds, I felt so much better. I don't feel like everything is magnetized 1 million fold in an attempt to drive me crazy, I slept well last night instead of waking up constantly, and I don't feel super anxious about my impending surgery. 

Surgery in two days...jello and pudding have been bought!  I hope to blog daily about my recovery.  

Yesterday was a rough day overall though.  I had a great time in the morning visiting my cousins but when we went to our house to finish packing up, after I discovered how much fun spackelling is, I slid down the hill and fell. On...my..back. Yeah, that back with the herniated discs that I go to the gym/chiro for? Fell all of my weight on it, feet just slipped out from under me and down I went. My new boots had nooooo traction in the snow at all apparently.  I just started crying, afraid of any potential damage.  I'm sore today, but surviving.  My friend and I made carrot juice out of ten pounds of carrots, and I was ok to stand through that.  

more later...it is hard to type with a Newton on me.