Putting aside your ego
I’ve learned in the short time I’ve been married that a huge component of marriage is putting aside your ego. It ISN’T about always trying to be right. It is about realizing that your marriage is the most important thing in your life, and being right isn’t. I’m not talking about serious life changing issues--just those little ‘discussions’ that can get heated between spouses because we are both opinionated, and umm...bossy. On the big issues, we generally agree on topics, or as in the case of religion, have come to an agreement to disagree. It is okay to not agree on a topic, and to have differing points of view--we are human, and if we all thought exactly the same, it would be really really REALLY boring.
Don’t go to bed Angry
It goes along with putting aside your ego, but is insanely important. I’ve never gone to bed mad at my husband. Granted, I don’t think I can stay mad at him for more than a half hour when he gets that hurt look in his eye, I want to apologize immediately even if it wasn’t my fault. Not going to sleep angry means that you wake up each day to a fresh start. Yesterday might have sucked, but today has so many possibilities.
Affection
Maybe I’m just the worlds most affectionate person but I always love touching, hugging and kissing my husband. We hold hands as we walk down the aisle of the grocery store or sit next to each other. My head naturally drifts to his shoulder during a movie, or my feet end up in his lap. This touching helps keep us connected to each other, an unspoken I love you.
Intimacy
Nope, not talking about sex. Yes, sex is a part of intimacy but totally not going there. Intimacy is being close to your partner. For us, reading before bed helps relax us, and is intimate. Taking a bath or a shower together, is intimate. We lay together before we fall asleep and cuddle. My hubby once painted my toenails (it was a hideous shade, but the guy is color blind--total props). It also has a lot of cross over with communication because openness with your partner about how you feel, even if it is ‘man you are pissing me off’ is intimate.
Open Communication
Early in our relationship my husband and I established a open communication rule. This ‘rule’ is basically that we tell each other everything. The more we might want to hide something, the more we have to tell each other. It works. No hidden agendas, no hidden affections for others, no misunderstandings. Okay, we have misunderstanding but we can talk them through. We are honest about our feelings happy or not so happy. Think of all the things that you are embarrassed about and naturally want to keep to yourself--we share. After a life of keeping stuff to myself, this didn’t come easily but it feels great to know that I’m never alone.
I’ve learned in the short time I’ve been married that a huge component of marriage is putting aside your ego. It ISN’T about always trying to be right. It is about realizing that your marriage is the most important thing in your life, and being right isn’t. I’m not talking about serious life changing issues--just those little ‘discussions’ that can get heated between spouses because we are both opinionated, and umm...bossy. On the big issues, we generally agree on topics, or as in the case of religion, have come to an agreement to disagree. It is okay to not agree on a topic, and to have differing points of view--we are human, and if we all thought exactly the same, it would be really really REALLY boring.
Don’t go to bed Angry
It goes along with putting aside your ego, but is insanely important. I’ve never gone to bed mad at my husband. Granted, I don’t think I can stay mad at him for more than a half hour when he gets that hurt look in his eye, I want to apologize immediately even if it wasn’t my fault. Not going to sleep angry means that you wake up each day to a fresh start. Yesterday might have sucked, but today has so many possibilities.
Affection
Maybe I’m just the worlds most affectionate person but I always love touching, hugging and kissing my husband. We hold hands as we walk down the aisle of the grocery store or sit next to each other. My head naturally drifts to his shoulder during a movie, or my feet end up in his lap. This touching helps keep us connected to each other, an unspoken I love you.
Intimacy
Nope, not talking about sex. Yes, sex is a part of intimacy but totally not going there. Intimacy is being close to your partner. For us, reading before bed helps relax us, and is intimate. Taking a bath or a shower together, is intimate. We lay together before we fall asleep and cuddle. My hubby once painted my toenails (it was a hideous shade, but the guy is color blind--total props). It also has a lot of cross over with communication because openness with your partner about how you feel, even if it is ‘man you are pissing me off’ is intimate.
Open Communication
Early in our relationship my husband and I established a open communication rule. This ‘rule’ is basically that we tell each other everything. The more we might want to hide something, the more we have to tell each other. It works. No hidden agendas, no hidden affections for others, no misunderstandings. Okay, we have misunderstanding but we can talk them through. We are honest about our feelings happy or not so happy. Think of all the things that you are embarrassed about and naturally want to keep to yourself--we share. After a life of keeping stuff to myself, this didn’t come easily but it feels great to know that I’m never alone.
dedicated to my hubby--the sweetest most infuriating man I'v ever met :)
Those are good. A couple I'd add:
ReplyDelete1) Cultivate your interests, both those you do together and those that are individual interests. It's good to do things together, but it's also good to have separate hobbies. Balance keeps us sane, allows us both time together and time apart, and makes conversations more interesting.
2) Learn what says "I love you" for your spouse. It might not be the same thing that says "I love you" for you.
Great tips!
ReplyDeleteAud--I love those tips. I think it is key, especially as a stay at home wife, not to be completely and utterly dependent on your husband to 'entertain' you. You need to have your own hobbies and interests. At times I struggle with this.
ReplyDeleteI think that these are great tips. I have always agreed with not going to bed angry. After 3 years of marriage, and 9 1/2 of being togeter, my husband and I have spent MANY late nights into early mornings talking about things... we might have been tired the next day, but so worth it to have the problems resolved and everything okay again.
ReplyDeleteIf more couples followed these guidelines, we would have a lot less divorce and unhappiness. Like most things, regular maintainance is easier and better than trying to "fix" years of neglect!
Thanks for the tips...IF I ever get married.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed my post. I'm now following you.
glad to help :)Shanimal (what's ur real name? lol)
ReplyDeleteSarah-I'm glad you like them. I think that having a good relationship now will save us when the times actually get tough, or maybe the times WERE tough (two bouts of unemployment and two moves) but since we had such a great relationship, it didn't seem so bad.