A few months ago I came across a quote that changed my life. Sadly, the original quote as disappeared, but it said something like "a soul mate serves a mirror to reflect both your good and bad attributes back to you" I think it said something about then using that information to improve. I got the bit that made the most impact though--that your soul mate reflects your good and bad back.
It made me suddenly realize that all those (usually petty) things that I get mad at my husband for, annoyed with him for doing, frustrated at are because I haven't done them in my life.
Here are some examples:
I get mad about his diet, probably more than anything else. I see him buying loads of candy and 'treats' for me that contain foods that I shouldn't eat, and I see him spending way too much money doing it. What I don't see is the thought that he put into the purchases. That he bought this baklava at Trader Joe's because I once bought it for him years ago, and he really enjoyed it and remembered those feelings associated with it. That he knows that I love goldfish and talked about how yummy I thought the canoli's at an Italian restaurant we went to were. I see him trying to bust my diet, and never bother to realize how much thought and effort he put into these purchases and I am so sorry. I'm not immune from bad eating. I go out to eat, or to other people's houses and eat far too many chips, and drink soda that I'd never allow in my house. If it's here, I'll eat it especially if it's convenient. I suffer from the same bad habits so how can I judge his?
I have gotten mad about how he does laundry. In the past, while he was in charge of washing the laundry, it would smell weird and I'd have to rewash it using vinegar and borax. Once we moved to the new house it seemed to go away, until he was put in charge of laundry again. It was then that I discovered that he didn't know how much water/soap to put in and had been guessing. Why? Because no one ever taught him how to do laundry correctly. I judged him before realizing that it was a teaching moment. I judged him on MY experiences, not his. Instead of getting annoyed, I should have been relieved to figure out the problem.
I get frustrated over him wasting his time playing video games and lamenting how he needs to be working on his projects more. I complain about not knowing what he does with his time, but then realize that I have very little to show for mine. As long as I'm sleeping in until 10:30, and not getting any work done on MY projects, I've got no room to complain.
This post has been a long time coming as my understanding of it has evolved. I think this topic has been the most difficult one that I have faced in my marriage and I still struggle to understand how to express my duel frustration of my own failings while attempting to not judge but help someone else improve. I need to stop getting caught up in myself, and instead understand what empathy really means. The saying "don't judge a man until you've walked three moons in his moccasin's" rings true in my ears. My husband has issues and struggles, but so do I. So do ALL of us. If I want change--I have to BE that change. I have to show him healthy eating through buying, preparing, serving and teaching him how to eat and enjoy healthy food. He ultimately is in charge of the food that he eats though, and I have to be at peace knowing that I have done everything in my power to provide him with healthy options and the knowledge to seek them out.
I need to be my own motivation in the knowledge that I am helping to shape and form our lives into something better. Instead of wasting my time watching crappy television, I've gotten better about getting off of Facebook and reading books and listening to audio books. I love working and cleaning while listening to audio books but television puts me into a stupor that is hard to break out of. I need to start taking nightly walks on my own, not waiting for him to mention it. I need to set up my Etsy shop and seek out opportunities and stop waiting for them to fall into my lap.
My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He will support me in any way that he can and wants nothing in his life but to make me happy. This is the most amazing blessing that I could ask for but instead I've taken that for granted and have become lazy. I ask him to get me things that I can get myself, to prepare food that I could prepare myself, taking for granted that he rarely tells me no. This has to stop. He deserves an equal partnership and sometimes I think that I feel such a strong desire to have things MY way that I get lose sight of this.
My husband has goals and lots of projects. So many projects in fact that he feels like he is drowning and may never be able to catch up. Maybe if one of us will stop treading water and make some forward momentum, then the other can follow. If that happens, maybe we won't feel bogged down by never realized dreams and hopes. The last thing I want is for either of us to look back in 30 years and regret anything about our lives. If anything had been different, we wouldn't have met and I can't imagine my life without the best man I've ever met.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Consistency, Challenge and Goal
I feel bad for neglecting my blog. I seem to have developed writers block. I used to be really creative, and have all of these ideas flowing through my mind so fast that I couldn't write them down, but since I stopped taking any depression medicine my brain seems to have slowed down. I'm not having wild ups and downs, although I have been pretty grouchy the last couple of days. I think that having a cat that keeps puking on my carpet first thing in the morning is contributing to the bad mood more than anything chemical though. As you will learn in the following blog, sticking with things in the long term is something that I struggle with daily. I don't want to give up on this blog--I love writing and knowing that people are reading it.
In the last 7 months since we moved, I've been doing yoga, Zumba, and water aerobics in attempts to help me stay fit and lose weight. None of it really worked. I would eat more in the lunch after going to water aerobics than I would during the class, and I never felt like it was a particularly difficult work out. Zumba challenged me, but I didn't do it often enough, and the songs started to get on my nerves, because they would stuck in my head for days on end. Yoga, as I've discussed in the past may have been a contributing factor in my back pain, so I stopped it shortly before my semester was going to end anyways. I like all of these activities, but I need to do them weekly, not one a week if they are going to make a real difference in my health.
Consistency is and always has been my biggest challenge in life. Consistency from studying daily, practicing a religion, not getting bored and giving up on projects, cooking/making meal plans, working out, and even little stuff like routines of taking a shower every day, brushing my teeth, taking medicine. Yes, I'm openly admitting that at times I forget to do these things. so feel free to mock my occasionally skuzzy teeth and greasy hair (although I'll probably kick you). It is my struggle. My battle with consistency has a lot to do with my difficulty in losing weight and getting/staying fit. I start something, be it going to a exercise class, making meal plans, working on my elliptical, doing yoga at home, counting calories and I get bored and give up and in the end...don't lose weight. I'm really frustrated that I am at the same weight I was my senior year of college before I worked my ass off to lose 40lbs.
It is is this weird catch 22 of sorts, because if I don't highly regiment things, I don't get anything done but if I feel like I have too much stuff to do, I just shut down and can't do anything at all. I start freaking out and thinking of what I can cancel or move around so that I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not sure what this means or how I can deal with this anymore than simply working hard to have some accountability to myself and other people.
Last week, I joined a gym at the recommendation of a very nice lady I met. We are around the same age, and live pretty equally far from the place and she really likes it. This gym includes all fitness classes (yoga, zumba, spinning, aeorbics) and obviously cardio machines with the gym membership. I figure if I use them there as often as I have paid for them elsewhere that it might work itself out in the end. The other costly thing I did to get me actually into the gym is to get a trainer. I started on Monday, and Tuesday, what was left of my pecs after not working out for 6 months were pretty sore. I think Zumba has kept my legs in pretty good shape, since they didn't hurt much. My goal is to continue with the trainer at least 2x/week and get in for at least 2-3 classes on top of that. I'd like to do some private pilates lessons as well to learn about the machines and see how my back feels with them. Some things work, some don't.
I am well aware of how fortunate I am to have the financial ability to do these things, to buy healthy food and eat the things I want, when I want. I am truly blessed, and I thank my husband every day for giving me this opportunity to stay home, and not have to work. The least I can do is do something with this opportunity. My husband made me write a list of goals recently and basically told me that my job was to work towards one of those goals every day.
So while I will struggle every day with making myself learn a new pattern of going to the gym, and doing things differently I need to. Most of us do. I've already made a lot of positive changes in my lifestyle in the last few years. I'm looking forward to more, and making those changes habits to last a lifetime.
On another note, I managed to get distracted from this post at least 5 times...ADD anyone?
Some side goals where I am just going to talk to myself...
*Get better with meal planning, and snack planning so I don't ever feel like there isn't something I want to eat in the house.
*Keep a list posted on the fridge with snack suggestions of things I actually know I like. (When I'm hungry I want everything and NOTHING at the same time and have no decision making skills. Plus, I turn into a demented dragon. It isn't pretty.)
*Figure out what I can do with this crazy sweet tooth. The popcorn at night seems to be a pretty good snack, but is it the best? I'll post the recipe.
* Make hardboiled eggs to have in the fridge--come on, I've got 4 dozen farm fresh eggs (thanks Andy!) that I need to use.
* Look in the pantry! I've got quinoa that I want to eat, but I'm not sure in what recipe. I am thinking some shredded chicken, finely chopped celery/carrot, tomatoes, and some herbs and spices might work. I'm craving the food that Lily's mom used to make. Read some of your magazines, and start to explore with cooking again instead of being all lazy and tired.
* You aren't 'treating' yourself by eating crap, you are HURTING yourself.
* Your elliptical isn't a lawn ornament parked in your room. Use it. I know it isn't the arc trainer you want but...get over your spoiled self.
* Seriously--send some of those awesome people you met an email before they think you are blowing them off. Not cool Ms. Procrastination.
In the last 7 months since we moved, I've been doing yoga, Zumba, and water aerobics in attempts to help me stay fit and lose weight. None of it really worked. I would eat more in the lunch after going to water aerobics than I would during the class, and I never felt like it was a particularly difficult work out. Zumba challenged me, but I didn't do it often enough, and the songs started to get on my nerves, because they would stuck in my head for days on end. Yoga, as I've discussed in the past may have been a contributing factor in my back pain, so I stopped it shortly before my semester was going to end anyways. I like all of these activities, but I need to do them weekly, not one a week if they are going to make a real difference in my health.
Consistency is and always has been my biggest challenge in life. Consistency from studying daily, practicing a religion, not getting bored and giving up on projects, cooking/making meal plans, working out, and even little stuff like routines of taking a shower every day, brushing my teeth, taking medicine. Yes, I'm openly admitting that at times I forget to do these things. so feel free to mock my occasionally skuzzy teeth and greasy hair (although I'll probably kick you). It is my struggle. My battle with consistency has a lot to do with my difficulty in losing weight and getting/staying fit. I start something, be it going to a exercise class, making meal plans, working on my elliptical, doing yoga at home, counting calories and I get bored and give up and in the end...don't lose weight. I'm really frustrated that I am at the same weight I was my senior year of college before I worked my ass off to lose 40lbs.
It is is this weird catch 22 of sorts, because if I don't highly regiment things, I don't get anything done but if I feel like I have too much stuff to do, I just shut down and can't do anything at all. I start freaking out and thinking of what I can cancel or move around so that I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm not sure what this means or how I can deal with this anymore than simply working hard to have some accountability to myself and other people.
Last week, I joined a gym at the recommendation of a very nice lady I met. We are around the same age, and live pretty equally far from the place and she really likes it. This gym includes all fitness classes (yoga, zumba, spinning, aeorbics) and obviously cardio machines with the gym membership. I figure if I use them there as often as I have paid for them elsewhere that it might work itself out in the end. The other costly thing I did to get me actually into the gym is to get a trainer. I started on Monday, and Tuesday, what was left of my pecs after not working out for 6 months were pretty sore. I think Zumba has kept my legs in pretty good shape, since they didn't hurt much. My goal is to continue with the trainer at least 2x/week and get in for at least 2-3 classes on top of that. I'd like to do some private pilates lessons as well to learn about the machines and see how my back feels with them. Some things work, some don't.
I am well aware of how fortunate I am to have the financial ability to do these things, to buy healthy food and eat the things I want, when I want. I am truly blessed, and I thank my husband every day for giving me this opportunity to stay home, and not have to work. The least I can do is do something with this opportunity. My husband made me write a list of goals recently and basically told me that my job was to work towards one of those goals every day.
So while I will struggle every day with making myself learn a new pattern of going to the gym, and doing things differently I need to. Most of us do. I've already made a lot of positive changes in my lifestyle in the last few years. I'm looking forward to more, and making those changes habits to last a lifetime.
On another note, I managed to get distracted from this post at least 5 times...ADD anyone?
Some side goals where I am just going to talk to myself...
*Get better with meal planning, and snack planning so I don't ever feel like there isn't something I want to eat in the house.
*Keep a list posted on the fridge with snack suggestions of things I actually know I like. (When I'm hungry I want everything and NOTHING at the same time and have no decision making skills. Plus, I turn into a demented dragon. It isn't pretty.)
*Figure out what I can do with this crazy sweet tooth. The popcorn at night seems to be a pretty good snack, but is it the best? I'll post the recipe.
* Make hardboiled eggs to have in the fridge--come on, I've got 4 dozen farm fresh eggs (thanks Andy!) that I need to use.
* Look in the pantry! I've got quinoa that I want to eat, but I'm not sure in what recipe. I am thinking some shredded chicken, finely chopped celery/carrot, tomatoes, and some herbs and spices might work. I'm craving the food that Lily's mom used to make. Read some of your magazines, and start to explore with cooking again instead of being all lazy and tired.
* You aren't 'treating' yourself by eating crap, you are HURTING yourself.
* Your elliptical isn't a lawn ornament parked in your room. Use it. I know it isn't the arc trainer you want but...get over your spoiled self.
* Seriously--send some of those awesome people you met an email before they think you are blowing them off. Not cool Ms. Procrastination.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Happy Anniversary to Us!
Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary. We call it 'paper signing' day since all we ended up doing was going to the courthouse with a couple of friends (which, since I didn't invite family my mother will never let me live down). It doesn't make our wedding, or marriage any less valid, but in typical Eileen style, I had to deviate from the norm. One day we will have a 'real' wedding, hopefully at sea, hopefully when I'm about 100lbs lighter and would look mad hot in an inappropriately white (or off-white) dress. Since we are already 'married' we get to set all the rules.
So...onto the celebrations! Last night we got dinner at Sushi Sono, which I feel a need to review. It was recommended by one of my ladies over at Happy Housewives and since we both like sushi I thought it would be perfect. Note about me--I hate fish...but I like sushi. I eat the vegetarian stuff, or a California roll. I occasionally get adventurous and eat some shrimp sashimi, but even that can get too 'fishy' for me. No need to recommend things fishy that you think I'll love, I'm pretty sure at this point in my existence, my hatred of fish is pathological.
Sushi Sono is located in Columbia, MD at 10215 Wincopin Cr overlooking Lake Kittamaqundi, which you can see from every window, making the view very nice. We arrived around 6pm, and were immediately seated. The place was around 1/2- 3/4's full with 1/2 of the seats at the sushi bar taken, but most tables occupied. I love the decorations. Lots of beautiful rice paper walls and lamps, along with authentic swords above my head. My husband commented on liking that the sushi chefs were actually older (if 50's is older) genetlemen vs. guys in their 20's. The hostess, a Japanese woman, was hilarious. I made a comment about wanting to sit at a table instead of the bar so we could be silly, and she commented that "we could sit at a table and be as silly as we wanted!" then she proceeded to sit us near the front door where she could hear us. We were pretty tame though.
After we sat down a waitress brought us a hot towel to wash our...I washed my hands with it (and assumed that was what it was for). My husband who has actually BEEN to Japan told me that they were actually for your face. Let's just say, I was wearing masacara, and it wasn't happening. Hubby ordered hot tea, and 6 peices of ala carte sushi and a California roll. I ordered a cucumber roll, California roll, edemame and some teriaki chicken. So...I thought my husband had ordered a lot more food than he had. I was wrong and it ended up looking like I ordered half the menu. I also assumed we would share the edemame, but I only managed to get him to eat one pod's worth. Oh well, more for me.
His assessment: The food wasn't as good as our old standby in VA (Jasmine Garden ). The decorations however, were beautiful.
My assessment: My rolls were good, but the rice had a little too much vinegar in it, and my cucumber roll was 'de-rolling' before I could even get it in my mouth. My teriaki chicken was bland and basically uneventful. I didn't even take my leftovers home. I loved the edemame, but it also wasn't anything specical.
One weird thing: until it started getting really busy the waitresses were unnaturally hovering around us attempting to give us advice (since white people don't know sushi?) and just generally staring. I think they were flirting with my husband, since they mostly ignored me.
For $60, it was overpriced and the food wasn't that great. It was a fun experience though, and I enjoyed the service and atmosphere. My water glass also never got more than a sip out of it before someone came rushing over to re-fill it. I drank a lot of water.
After dinner we went to the see Green Lantern. I'm not sure why it would get bad reviews. My husband seemed to think that it stayed pretty true to the comic books he was raised on, it was funny and there was quite a bit of good action. Overall, I liked it. I still have issues seeing Ryan Reynolds in something other than "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place," but I might be the only person that actually watched that show.
My anniversary was wonderful, and sharing the cherry coke at the movies was a good call on my part, since I slept like an overtired baby.
Message to my hubby: Thank you for putting up with all of my insanity, neuroses and still loving me more everyday. I love you more than words can discribe and you have made my life so incredibly wonderful these last few years. I will be schmucky in love with you as long as we are both still living (which means you better not die anytime soon)! May we have a long and happy marriage with many schnugs and kitty loves. And just cause I haven't said it in awhile, you cried first at our wedding;). I love you.
So...onto the celebrations! Last night we got dinner at Sushi Sono, which I feel a need to review. It was recommended by one of my ladies over at Happy Housewives and since we both like sushi I thought it would be perfect. Note about me--I hate fish...but I like sushi. I eat the vegetarian stuff, or a California roll. I occasionally get adventurous and eat some shrimp sashimi, but even that can get too 'fishy' for me. No need to recommend things fishy that you think I'll love, I'm pretty sure at this point in my existence, my hatred of fish is pathological.
Sushi Sono is located in Columbia, MD at 10215 Wincopin Cr overlooking Lake Kittamaqundi, which you can see from every window, making the view very nice. We arrived around 6pm, and were immediately seated. The place was around 1/2- 3/4's full with 1/2 of the seats at the sushi bar taken, but most tables occupied. I love the decorations. Lots of beautiful rice paper walls and lamps, along with authentic swords above my head. My husband commented on liking that the sushi chefs were actually older (if 50's is older) genetlemen vs. guys in their 20's. The hostess, a Japanese woman, was hilarious. I made a comment about wanting to sit at a table instead of the bar so we could be silly, and she commented that "we could sit at a table and be as silly as we wanted!" then she proceeded to sit us near the front door where she could hear us. We were pretty tame though.
After we sat down a waitress brought us a hot towel to wash our...I washed my hands with it (and assumed that was what it was for). My husband who has actually BEEN to Japan told me that they were actually for your face. Let's just say, I was wearing masacara, and it wasn't happening. Hubby ordered hot tea, and 6 peices of ala carte sushi and a California roll. I ordered a cucumber roll, California roll, edemame and some teriaki chicken. So...I thought my husband had ordered a lot more food than he had. I was wrong and it ended up looking like I ordered half the menu. I also assumed we would share the edemame, but I only managed to get him to eat one pod's worth. Oh well, more for me.
His assessment: The food wasn't as good as our old standby in VA (Jasmine Garden ). The decorations however, were beautiful.
My assessment: My rolls were good, but the rice had a little too much vinegar in it, and my cucumber roll was 'de-rolling' before I could even get it in my mouth. My teriaki chicken was bland and basically uneventful. I didn't even take my leftovers home. I loved the edemame, but it also wasn't anything specical.
One weird thing: until it started getting really busy the waitresses were unnaturally hovering around us attempting to give us advice (since white people don't know sushi?) and just generally staring. I think they were flirting with my husband, since they mostly ignored me.
For $60, it was overpriced and the food wasn't that great. It was a fun experience though, and I enjoyed the service and atmosphere. My water glass also never got more than a sip out of it before someone came rushing over to re-fill it. I drank a lot of water.
After dinner we went to the see Green Lantern. I'm not sure why it would get bad reviews. My husband seemed to think that it stayed pretty true to the comic books he was raised on, it was funny and there was quite a bit of good action. Overall, I liked it. I still have issues seeing Ryan Reynolds in something other than "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place," but I might be the only person that actually watched that show.
My anniversary was wonderful, and sharing the cherry coke at the movies was a good call on my part, since I slept like an overtired baby.
Message to my hubby: Thank you for putting up with all of my insanity, neuroses and still loving me more everyday. I love you more than words can discribe and you have made my life so incredibly wonderful these last few years. I will be schmucky in love with you as long as we are both still living (which means you better not die anytime soon)! May we have a long and happy marriage with many schnugs and kitty loves. And just cause I haven't said it in awhile, you cried first at our wedding;). I love you.
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