I had a mind blowing moment last night when I realized that it was actually 2012. No seriously, I really thought that it was 2011...
It being a New Year means, for many, a time of making and breaking New Years resolutions. I never really jumped on that bandwagon because ... frankly I would just jump off as soon as the going got tough. We have enough failures and disappointments in our lives, I personally don't need to feel like MORE of a failure. Instead of resolutions, I want to set goals for myself. For many years, I never set goals for myself and I wonder why I felt like I was just sort of meandering through life in survival mode with no real tangible goals. But this year has been a big one, in a new place with a lot happening. I started this blog almost a year ago and it's been pretty amazing to see, written down somewhere, all of the things that I have done.
When discussing waste recently I brought up to my husband that we talk about wasting money, we talk about wasting light, water, food but how often do we discuss wasting time? I feel the weight of my mortality on my shoulders growing heavier. Yes, I'm in my twenties but recently I experienced some losses that brought this inevitability too close for comfort.
I found out recently that two people that were very dear to me passed away. The mother of my childhood best friend passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was a huge part of my childhood and adolesence and her house proved a haven for me when I had no where else to go. She loved me like she was my mother, accepted me for who I was and treated me with respect and dignity. I won't ever forget her kindness and friendship. The second person was my mom's best friend when I was little. It turns out that she passed away two years ago, but we just found out. My mom had been trying hard to get in touch with her, writing letters that weren't answered or returned, calling, searching on facebook to no avail. finally she managed to get in touch with her sister and found out the news. Ironically, it turns out that she passed away right after we had visited. That visit had been the first time in close to a decade. Amy was a huge part of my life before we moved to to the midwest, but her past years of drug abuse were just too much on her heart. Abusing your body catches up to you as you get older. I will remember all the wonderful times that we had when I was younger. We had such a lovely visit the last time we saw her, and I will hold those memories closely.
So these experiences have lead me realize even more that I need to stop wasting time. It's the one thing that we absoultely need but we can never get back. How much of this last year have I wasted being ill, exhausted, lazy, unmotivated? How much time do I spend wishing that I was doing something productive?
I'm not going to call these things New Year's resolutions but I would like to set goals for myself. I haven't in the past and then wondered why I just floundered around wondering why I was passing time without feeling like I was making forward progression. So here goes!
This blog:
I would like to update at least 2 times a week, if not more. I handed out a loooot of business cards this past weekend at
MAGfest and if I need to get up photographs of all my jewelry and crocheted items, and work on setting up an
etsy shop. I think that will be the easist way to drive traffic to see all of the items that I am making, while not devoting my entire blog to attempting to get people to buy my pretties (but please, still buy my pretties!!!). Also on the agenda is hopefully a blog remodel. Being married to a computer geek has it's perks.
January goal: Write in blog 2 times a week. Start writing a design document to lay out how I want my blog to look after it's redesigned. Discuss the design document with the hubs.
Health:
One day last summer I got an email about Zumba classes and decided, what the hell, I'll try it! So I did and enjoyed it. At the time, I was taking yoga too. But then, I joined a gym that included zumba AND yoga classes in the monthly membership and I have gone to exactly ... 2 classes since. Aren't I a depressing stereotype? This has to change. My goal for this year is to work on my health. I figured out my allergy (read
here) and am off every medicine but ONE (and that one I want to take). I want to go to the gym at least 2x a week and pick up a new class to do once a week. I would like to get back into yoga, even if I only do it at home or for half a class.
My old Zumba instructor does a 3 month health challenge and I really want to win it. I'm not optimistic about my chances, since it seems all of these people are already health fitness gurus, but it would be nice to lose some weight, get healthier and win a bundle o money in the process.
I also have been struggling with anxiety and taking out my anxiety on my husband. I stress about little things and forget the big picture. I'm not sure if it is getting worse, or better over time but since I spent so much of the last decade taking anti-depressants, I'm not sure I ever learned how to really cope. Now for the sake of my sanity and my marriage, I need to.
January goal: Go to Yoga class on Sunday morning. Try a zumba class. Doesn't matter when or if I only do it for 20 minutes--just get over my fear of the new and unknown. Also, get on elliptical in my room at least 1x a week. First thing in the morning? It would be awesome. Sweat is our friend. Work on anxiety issues. Find a cognitive therapist. Make an appointment.
Food:
Meal plan dammit! When I meal plan and buy for meals, I eat a lot better AND we eat out a lot less. I know I'm eating a lot less lately, but I need to make sure to plan to eat small snacks every 3 hours so my blood sugar doesn't plummit. When that happens, I turn into
The Incredible Hulk and that isn't pretty!
January goal: meal plan meeting 1x week with husband. Personally plan small meals/snacks for myself. Make sure to have these foods on hand so that I can eat every 3 hours.
Books:
I love to read, but somehow television, my computer and the free trashy novels I get for my
kindle take precidence over real literature. I would like to read some of the sci fi fantasy books that my husband loves. I'm still a little weirded out by having electronic books. I almost don't want to spend money on them because I feel like the book will one day disappear from my kindle. Anyone else feel like this? Maybe this is the same paranoia that makes me want to stock up on water and food in case the Mayan calendar really is predicting the end of the world. I blame
Dark Angel for making me paranoid.
January goal: Read the first Hunger Games book. Yes, I've been told that I'll be immediately HOOKED but it's all about the starting.
Entertainment:
I am getting more involved with meetup groups and am strongly considering moving my facebook group back to
Meetup. I think it is important for me to build a group wtih a strong infrastructure and member investment. I can't go to every event, or control all of them and I don't want to. I want to create an environment where like minded people can meet, socialize and find friends. To an extent, I have created that, and personally am getting out and socializing more, but I want to incorporate more people and more volunteer work. What makes volunteering even more fun? Doing it with your friends! I have blessed to have everything I need in my life, and it is time to stop hoarding and wasting my time, and instead give some of it to people that need it.
January goal: Make decision on future of group, and volunteer. Significantly cut down on TV and internet time by downloading audio books to listen to, with my new handy dandy library card (that I have yet to use:( ).
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I hope to accomplish a lot of this through making a schedule for myself, and working with my husband on a schedule for him as well. No, this list isn't exhaustive but it's a nice tangible start. In a month's time (I'm giving myself the first week of February to get this stuff done!) I would like to come back through this list, and see what I managed to accomplish.
What are your goals for the year? Do you periodically stop and reassess your goals? How do you get back on task when the craziness of life throws you off balance and schedule?
