Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The danger of text messages and changed phone numbers.

Yesterday I made my pregnancy public and today I was attempting to follow up with a high school friend. I sent her a text:

Me: since you're never on FB...guess what--WE'RE HAVING A BABY!! 

I didn't get a response, but got a call from her number. I tried answering and didn't hear anything, so I hung up. I tried calling back and a burly sounding dude answered. It appears my friend changed her number and never told me!  I said...'oh sorry, must be the wrong number,' and hung up.  About 2 hours later, I got another phone call from burly dude, and screened it, since I have had people from wrong numbers attempt to stalk me.  To clear up any misunderstanding, I decided to send him an email explaining the mix-up.  Then the funny started.

Me: apparently you have my friend's old number. Sorry--my message wasn't directed at you! 
Burly dude with friend's old number: Its ok i been with same person an never cheated just broak up thought was her congrats 

Oh yes, burly dude thought that I was his ex girl friend call/texting him to say I was pregnant. Oh the level of classiness that some people have will never cease to amuse me. My friend says that this was my own personal Jerry Springer moment.  

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A big announcement

Today a very important email went out to my family (at least the ones I had email addresses for).  It's a message that I've waited years to send, and it was a accompanied by a little story my husband wrote.
The pressure to have children often starts as soon as a couple gets married; friends and relatives have no trouble asking the question, but the answer isn't always so easy to give.
We tried for years, with the doctors telling us it was a coin flip whether we'd be able to conceive naturally or not. Eventually, we came to terms with the fact that it had come up tails, and had to adjust our expectations for life a bit.
This last Mother's Day, we discovered to our joy and surprise that we'd actually come up heads! Well, head....there's only one of them, after all. However you want to say it, we're growing a baby!
The first trimester is over (we hit 13 weeks yesterday), and we thought it was about time you all shared in the news. It hasn't been easy keeping the secret!
Did we miss anyone? We might not have their email address; feel free to forward
Eileen & Aaron (and baby!)

A HUGE thank you to my friend Kristen over at Kiki(verde) for taking some hilarious (and adorable!) pictures of us.  We had so much fun! I'd also like to thank Stephanie at Everburg Photography who made this wonderful announcement.  

Since I was trying to keep this a secret, but need to write, I started a second blog. It's called Letters to Baby, with the URL (I would have linked it, but I'm proud of that URL!) and in it I have been keeping that obligatory weekly journal and some other musings in the form of letters to our unborn child.  Soon I will get the husband to write there too. 

I have so much more to write about...but this post is long enough.  I hope this will help end the radio silence that I undertook in an effort to keep the lid on my pregnancy.  

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Today Only Promotion

Today Only 
by D. Love

Blurb: In life, there are times you are granted a miracle. It may not be the one you wanted exactly, but it will be the one you need. It will prepare you for the next step in your journey and help you learn to accept the life you are given, even if that life can be heartbreaking.

Buy Links

My time here is dwindling. Everything around me – my body, the transition from winter to spring, the height chart marking the growth of my daughter, Emily – reminds me that the hourglass that is my life has only a few grains of sand left.
It’s my first thought this morning. I awoke early for a fundraiser, the Big Walk for March of Dimes. I start off with my daily routine. I jump in the shower, trying not to notice how much the droplets of water hurt my skin. The sting is too much this morning. I get out quickly, dry off and throw my hair in a simple ponytail at the base of my neck. I catch my reflection in the mirror and stare at myself for a minute.
Just a little longer? So I can watch Em grow up?
My mirror doesn’t have an answer for me.
"Come on, Em!" I call to my daughter. "Get your shoes on, before we’re late."
I turn away from the mirror, then hurry into the living room and grab Emily by the hand.
"You ready Em?" I ask. Whatever dread or fear I feel in front of my mirror fades at the sight of Em’s beautiful blue eyes. 
She looks up at me with the biggest smile, and exclaims, "Yes!"
We hop in the car and head towards the Walk. My daughter’s eyes are glowing. 
"Mama, this is going to be the best walk ever," she almost squeals in excitement. The innocence of my little angel never fails to humble me.
She doesn’t yet understand that this might be my last Walk with her. 
"Yes, honey, this is going to be the best walk ever," I agree. 

Author Bio
I live in Maine. My biggest passion is for my family and friends. I adore loving others as if it is the biggest gift life can offer. I'm a read-a-holic, loves chocolate, cowboys and everyone on  Young Adult & Teen Readers Facebook page. My dream is to travel to Australia one day and see a kangaroo. I am nothing but simple. I do a lot of volunteer work. I have 2 beautiful daughters. 4 grandchildren, that constantly ask me if I lived in the black & white days.
My inspiration would be my daughters. Rita for her strength to keep fighting and constantly trying to take care of me, even though sometimes she can’t get out of bed & Kayla, for helping to pick up all the pieces that seem to fall when times get rough, and the love they have for me.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Enlightened Promotion!

I was really excited to read and review this book, but I somehow managed to forget to put it on my calendar, which in my addled brain means that I completely forgot. In atonement, I'm going to share some awesome excerpts with you that will make you want to go get this book asap.  

What would you do if you could heal people, but not the ones closest to you?

Enlightened A Tale of Love and Light 
note: The kindle edition is only $2.99. Click below to see this book on Amazon.

Loti Dupree’s meager healing abilities have been more a curse than a blessing.  What’s the point if she can’t even save her husband from cancer?  Harboring a painful secret, Loti flees the life they had in a small Appalachian town for the ashram, the spiritual retreat where she trained to be a yogini.  But she finds herself running from more than grief when an ominous nightmare sets her on a dangerous path of self-discovery that challenges everything she believes, and threatens her life.
While dodging psychic attacks from an unknown assailant, Loti races to understand who and what she is before her enemy can catch up with her. To make matters worse, events throw her into the arms of a handsome but frustrating vampire.  Love and light are waiting for her—if she can only figure out how to stay alive.

Wolf stared at the full moon as if it might reveal the answers he sought. He dug a pack of Camel’s from his shirt pocket and lit a cigarette with a wooden match. Shaking out the flame, he dropped the burnt stick and returned his apprehensive gaze to the sky. 500 years had not prepared him for what he felt at that moment—the overwhelming urgency and need to go back in the house right now, to her. Taking a drag, he glanced back at the little house; the bedroom lights were still on and his sharp hearing picked up the women’s soft voices. Rachel reassured Loti that she was fine and that the nest at Marksville would help her figure this out. Wolf assured her they were different, she said. How? Loti asked. Wolf closed his eyes and inhaled—he could still smell her. Her unique female scent laced with fear and arousal, her blood salty and sweet, and the something else he couldn’t identify. He had smelled something like this before, but only faintly from another woman; it hadn’t been a one-hundredth of what he smelled now. This was so much stronger, yet delicate. It called to him, coaxing him to return, to stay, to stop, to not walk away this time.
He opened his eyes, looking down at his hands. His fingers thrummed with the sensation of soft skin over firm muscles. And what was that damn jolt every time he touched her? And the other thing? Squashing the barely smoked Camel under his boot, he pinched off the filter and sprinkled the uncharred tobacco in his palm. Holding some between thumb and forefinger, he faced the east, kissing his fingertips.
“Spirits of the east,” he said, extending his pinched fingers, then sprinkling the tobacco. He turned to the right. “Spirits of the south.” He repeated the gesture, addressing each cardinal point in the same way, then lifted another bit to the sky. “Father Sky.” He knelt, touching the ground. “Mother Earth.” His eyes closed, and he touched his chest. “Hear my plea. This creature needs your guidance.” No thoughts in his head, he waited, his spine still crawling. Longing surged through his heart and mind, palpable, pulsing, and heavy.
Flinching, he opened predator eyes. He leapt into the air, racing through the woods like a wraith, his feet barely touching the ground. A blur in the dark, his humanity faded away. The vampire instinct led him to the acrid scent of burning wood and meat, and the sweet smell of human blood. He covered two miles in under 30 seconds. He zipped to a stop ten yards from the firelight, where he held unnaturally still, watching the small group and listening to their conversation.
“I’ll bet you could rig up the batteries two at a time,” one man said.
“Oh, yeah. It’s not hard to do,” the second man responded, taking a swig off a bottle and passing it.
Wolf sniffed. Honey whiskey.
“Especially now,” the woman who took the bottle said. She drank and handed it over. “Well, we can always figure something out.”
Tea tree oil, sour milk? Yogurt, Wolf corrected himself. And mother’s milk. His pupils dilated.
“How much does one cost?”
Lavender and eucalyptus and honey.
“About $550 for the actual generator, but there’s the tower and the battery bank, and the batteries themselves.”
The conversation continued, but Wolf wasn’t listening anymore, his focus on the lactating woman. There were four people sitting around a low fire, and the small breathing sounds of young children came from two big tents twenty yards away. Quite young. Urine. Breast milk. He turned his attention back to the adults, specifically the dark-haired woman, the mother, who was standing up and stretching.
“I need to pee,” she announced. “Where are the headlamps, Max?”
Max pressed something into her hand as she bent to kiss him lightly on the mouth. Adjusting the headlamp he’d given her, she headed for the trees, and Wolf stepped silently behind an oak as she picked her way along a fresh-cut path. She ducked into a copse of Russian olive trees and out of sight. Wolf balled his hands into fists and ground his back teeth together as the smell of her blood, laced with mother’s hormones and milk, taunted him. His fangs clicked down. He waited for the woman to put her clothing back in order, and when she looked up, his eyes glowed with a dark light. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.
“Shhh,” Wolf soothed, moving toward her.
Paralyzed by fear and his gaze, she didn’t try to run or scream, but her hands began a fine trembling.
“Relax.” His voice filled her chest as he ran his hand along her shoulder to her neck, lifting the heavy curtain of wavy, dark hair. The woman stopped shaking, but she never took her eyes off his as he dragged her to him and spun her around. He tilted her head to one side, exposing her white neck and stretching it into a long, tight line. Resting his mouth over her jumping pulse, he bit. She jerked beneath him, her eyes fluttering and drifting closed. He gripped her tighter, drawing sweet blood in quiet gulps. It was sweeter than usual, and he flashed on a mental image of his own mother: young, strong, dark, and beautiful, but all mothers were beautiful to their sons. Was she as beautiful as he remembered? Or had time and memory worked their magic, softening the rough edges and creating an aura of nostalgia? Had 500 years edited his memory? His mother held a small, dark berry out to him, the sun blazing behind her in a clear, blue sky.
“Taste it, Wolf. It’s perfectly ripe.”
Her voice echoed down the years, waking up his humanity. He yanked his fangs from her neck. What was he doing? He blinked. She was tranquil in his arms, breathing deeply, relaxed in the vampire’s spell. As sharp guilt cut through Wolf, he fortified himself against the warring wants. With a practiced detachment, he licked the bite wounds until the blood coagulated and the skin and tissue knitted back together. By morning it would itch like a bug bite and with the two faint marks, she’d think they were bug bites.
“You went into the woods to relieve yourself and noticed how unusual the moon is tonight,” he whispered into her ear.
She nodded. “The halo is beautiful. What is it?” Her voice thick with magic.
“It’s the wolf moon.”
He nudged her away until she walked on her own, her vacant face tilted up. The spell dissipated and awareness firmed her eyes as she looked to her left then right. She hesitated, looking up at the moon once more and glanced over her shoulder, but Wolf was gone. She had a vague sense of well-being mingled with fear and arousal. What a strange sensation, she thought. He’d taken the memory from her. It was his alone.

About the Author
Melissa Lummis considers herself a truth seeker, a peaceful warrior, a paranormal and fantasy writer, an avid reader, a thru-hiker GAàME ’98, a wife, a mother, and a free thinker.  She believes the universe conspires to help an adventurer.  And if we live our lives as if it is a daring adventure (and it is!), then everything we need will find its way to us.
The author lives in rural Virginia with her husband, two children, an Alaskan Malamute and a myriad of forest creatures.  The nature of her mind dictates that she write to stay sane.  Otherwise, her fertile imagination takes off on tangents of its own accord, creating scenarios and worlds that confuse the space-time continuum. Namaste, dear friends.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Morrigan Book Review and Giveaway!

I had two book reviews this month, and for some reason I can't fathom, I somehow scheduled them a week apart. There has been so much going on in the world, that I'm glad to take a break to read a good book.  This is an awesome book to kick back and escape with, and I finished it pretty quickly.  Make sure to read to the end, because there is a giveaway!  

Laura DeLuca       
Tour Host: Lady Amber's Tours

Shuffled from place to place in the foster system, Morrigan doesn't know the meaning of home. Plus, she is different. She has power over fire, the ability to move objects with her mind, and glimpse into the future. Just when she believes her life can’t get any stranger, she discovers her true identity.
Filtiarn, a knight with a dark past and a surprising secret, has been tasked with guiding the heir of Tír na NÓg through countless perils to be returned to her family. Once Morrigan has been reunited with her mother and grandmother, their triad can save the forgotten land of magic from being devoured by an ancient evil.
What is not to like in a book with this awesome plot?   I really got into this book, so into it that I forgot, for most of it, that I was reading to review it.  Once again, I'm going to point out some slight pacing issues, especially in the beginning of the book. Maybe I'm just picky, but I really love to read about the back story; I want to know how she discovered her telekinesis, and really delve deep into knowing and feeling for her, before we find out her secret.

I love the plot, I love the ideas, and my goodness, I loved the twists in the story.  This is one of those stories that you wish was three times as long so that you could just keep reading for days, instead of hours.  If you can't tell, I really enjoy stories that have this cross-world type plot. I really enjoyed seeing how she changed, and grew as a character, fell in love, and learned to stand up for herself.  Also, finding out that your cats are actually guardians that can kick some serious butt, totally up my alley.

I really enjoyed reading this book, and was transported in a far away mystical land where fairies trapped in trees are an every day part of life.  I could nitpick and come up with criticisms of the writing, but the overall feeling that I took away from the book was one of satisfaction, and enjoyment. It's a perfect book to curl up with for an evening.  Check it out, and tell me what you think!  The buying link are below the author bio.

Author Bio:
Laura “Luna” DeLuca lives at the beautiful Jersey shore with her husband and four children. She loves writing in the young adult genre because it keeps her young at heart.  In addition to writing fiction, Laura is also the editor of a popular review blog called New Age Mama. She is an active member of her local pagan community, and has been studying Wicca for close to eight years.  Her current works include Destiny, Destiny Unveiled, Phantom, Morrigan, Player, and Demon.

Find the Book

Short Excerpt:

“Guardians!” A low snarl emanated from the back of his throat. “What are you doing with Guardians?”
“Stop it! Sit down!”
Morrigan wasn’t sure who she was addressing, the man or the animals. Luckily, they both obeyed her command. She stepped in between them to avoid any further confrontations. The cats took a seat on either side her legs, but their posture hardly relaxed. They still glared warily at the newcomer, even though their hisses died down to an occasional soft growl.
“Dirty, filthy beasts!” Tiarn snarled as he climbed to his feet. “I hate Guardians.”
“They’re just little cats,” Morrigan told him. “What’s the big deal?”
“Just cats! Hah!” He was standing at a careful distance, even though they had started licking their paws nonchalantly. “They are much more than simple cats! Though even those I find distasteful.”
 Morrigan narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Never mind. It does not matter.” Tiarn dismissed her question with a wave of his hand. “They are not coming with us.
 “They most certainly are coming!”
Tiarn growled again. “I beg to differ with you, Your Highness. They would only get in the way.  Possibly even get killed.”
Danu raised her head from her grooming to hiss at him again, as though she had taken that last statement as a personal threat. The strange reaction of her faithful sidekicks made Morrigan wonder again just how much Tiarn could be trusted. She also wondered why, when she wasn’t sure she could trust him, she still felt the undeniable urge to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him.
 “If they stay here alone, they’ll definitely get killed or at least sent to the pound,” Morrigan told him. “I can’t let that happen. So, they’re coming. End of story.”
Tiarn’s eyes flashed dangerously, and he looked like he wanted to argue, but thought better of it. “Very well, Princess. Bring your mongrel felines. Just keep in mind that Guardians and lycans do not mix well.”
“Lycans?” Morrigan repeated.
A sick feeling started to settle in her stomach, as the truth of his words sunk in. It all started to make sense—his hairy arms and chest, his reaction to the cats, even his earlier comment about smelling her out. Her dark knight had a much darker side than she had ever seen in her dreams.
 “Why yes, Your Majesty. Did you not realize? You are a witch and a sorceress. And I, your faithful traveling companion, am a lycan—a werewolf.”

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Giveaway! Brenda Sparks Midsummer Night's Demon and Author Interview

I walked a 5K this morning, so I'm sitting here catching up on my DVR, with my feet up on an ottoman, and a cat purring at my side. This indeed, is the life!   I'm excited to bring you more than my standard book review this week.  This is a long post, starting with an overview of the book, my review, an author interview AND a giveaway. I put the giveaway at the bottom, so make sure you get down there and and enter for some great giveaways! I also loved doing the author interview, and am going to have to do more, because getting to know the author was lots of fun! I hope you enjoy.  

A Midsummer Night's Demon
Brenda Sparks      

Daelyn Torres is determined to break free from her over-protective brother. Born a demon, she knows little of the world outside her home and work. A chance blind date promises adventure and perhaps a walk on the wild side. But her night on the town takes a deadly turn when she is gravely injured and left to die. A handsome, mysterious stranger comes to her rescue and brings with him a passion she has never experienced.

A dark guardian sent to investigate a series of missing person cases, vampire Ky Robinson is ready for anything, except the insatiable desire that engulfs him when he meets Daelyn. He senses their destiny is intertwined and vows to do everything in his power to keep her safe. The only problem: demons and vampires go together like fire and ice.

Daelyn never believed in things that went bump in the night but is more than willing to be seduced by the sexy vampire who marks both her body and soul. Will Ky be able to keep them both alive long enough to prove that vampires and demons can be so much more than friends? 

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Let's go Fly a Kite!

Yesterday my college friend flew in for a work trip, and I used it as a perfect opportunity to get my husband to agree to come into the city with us.  While the Cherry Blossom trees aren't blooming...really at all, the festivities are in full swing.  Before we left, I discovered that yesterday was the Bloom Kite festival, and we were excited to see if we could get down to the Mall in time to fly one of the finger kites my mother in law gifted me a few years ago.

Looking at the Capitol

Washington Monument covered in scaffoling

The Smithsonian Metro station was packed with tourists coming down from the Mall attempting to get on trains, and it lent an air of excitement to the crowds de-training.  As we stepped onto the Mall...we saw kites (and a whole lotta people!).  People stood from Capitol all of the way down to behind the Washington Monument, and the splendor of these kites ranged from  the Power Ranger one, the woman near us was trying to get into the air for her son, to finger kites, to extremely expensive trick kites that did dives and flips in the air.  There were huge kites that must have been bigger than a person, and teeny kites.  I was frankly, shocked, at the lack of run ins I saw. I've always wondered how people managed to not get all of the kite lines messed up.  Some people did, but for the majority of people, once they got the kites up, they sort of stayed up on their own.

all of the dots to the Washington Monument are kites

After discovering that the finger kite wouldn't fly, since the adhesive holding on the streamers was too old, we just watched for awhile, and then walked down the Mall, around the Washington Monument, and then turned around and came back. We then went to indulge in delicious Thai food at Thaiphoon in Dupont Circle. I was first introduced to this place (and Thai food) in college, and fell in love with their garden rolls.  My husband declared that he could eat those every morning for breakfast, and longingly looked at me, hoping I would volunteer to get right on making them.  I'll look up a recipe, and see what I can do, that's all the commitment he's getting.

We had a wonderful day, full of beautiful sunshine, kites, friends, food, and laughter.  I was so glad to get to spend this time making awesome memories with the people I love.   I've got a post going about Easter memories as well that I hope to share soon!

What did you do this weekend?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Confessions of an angry fat woman, what no one told me about weight loss

I've been thinking up this title for awhile.  I started this blog to talk about my weight loss journey, and despite my posts about book reviews and recipes, the core of this blog has remained the same; it's a blog about health, fitness, and my journey to finding them.

People aren't comfortable talking about being fat it seems, unless they were there, and are actively working towards not being obese any longer.  Lately, I've had the honor of having some really frank conversations about what it's like to be fat, lose weight, and both the psychological toll it takes, along with the things that no one really told us about losing weight. I'll own all of these, but some of of them are also taken from discussions with friends.  And before people start commenting about it, here is my take on my use of the word 'hate.' Being angry, hating something isn't wrong.  Mourning that loss of understanding of who I was, is never wrong.  But I have to get over the mourning, get past the anger, and get to acceptance and moving on.  

  • I hate when people say how nice I look since it makes me think they lied  to me when I was fatter. 
  • I hate feeling like I'm being lied to. 
  • I absolutely hate being told how beautiful I'll look when I hit my 'goal' weight. 
  • I hate when people ask how I lost the weight. Taking drugs makes me feel like I cheated to do it. In my case, I took phentermine to help start my weight loss, and the last 40lbs have been been I started taking Vyvanse for my ADD.  Appetite suppression is one of the side effects, as is increased energy.  This is why I need to work on fitness, and getting those healthy lifestyle changes in place for when I don't have the medicine to help me.  
  • I worry about how I see myself, and how pretty I feel now, and how I probably got fat to keep potential myself from getting hurt.  
  • I'm scared of getting attention from people I don't know, and I really hate getting unwanted attention from men I don't know.
  • I'm the same damn person. How dare people treat me differently now. 
  • I hate that skinny people watch Biggest Loser and talk about how pretty they are when they are 'normal' sized.  I'm fat, but, I'm still 'normal.'  I almost feel like Biggest Loser watching should be restricted to overweight people, because I'm pretty sure skinny people aren't learning empathy watching it, but rather enforcing the mindset that you can lose this weight really fast, if you just tried hard enough. 
  • I hate fitting into someone else's view of beautiful and what that means, and I hate that I want to be that person. I hate that there is a part of me that doesn't care about the healthy aspect of this, I just want to be hot and skinny. 
  • I hate how scared I am about losing weight, and how my body is changing.  
  • I hate being constantly scared of gaining the weight back.  
  • I'm pissed when skinny people assume that I have a shitty self esteem because I'm fat, and treat me patronizingly, telling me to 'love myself.' Thanks, I don't need your brand of therapy.  
  • And...I hate that I let myself ever get to the point where I was at, where I let fear, self doubt, depression and pain lead myself, and I forgot to let health and fitness take the lead.  

I've said this before, and I'll say it again; losing weight is a psychological battle, as much as a physical one.  You can lose the weight, but if you don't deal with the reasons you gained it, you'll gain the weight back.  Every single day, we have to choose what we eat, how we move, and what we do. Every day we're given a chance, and simultaneously have one taken away from us that we can never get back.  We have to constantly motivate ourselves, to change our lifestyles, to change our habits, to change our mindset, and to change our hearts. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Book Review - Crimson Flames

Woah! I have two book reviews this month and they are less than a week apart.  I hope you enjoy! 

Tour Host: Lady Amber's Tours


Half-vampire Abby Tate is determined to learn more about the sorceress powers that were awakened inside her when she was turned into a vampire—making her a whole new hybrid species. There’s a group of rogue vamps banding together and forming a Resistance against the vampire governing body, The Head Council, and Abby’s newly discovered powers are the key to the Council’s victory. Now the Resistance will do anything possible to remove the hybrid threat, and with no other options, Abby is forced to rely on the aid of the Council, yet can she trust the very vampires that hunt for her human lover? And even worse, can she fight the unwelcome attraction that’s growing between her and one of those ancient vampire rulers?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Delectable Desserts - Strawberry shortcake

I try to stay away from dairy as much as possible, but after a visit to the Amish market left me with some blackberries and strawberries, and three friends coming into town, I decided I needed to make some strawberry shortcake.

I have a love hate relationship with shortcake.  When I was a kid, we always used bisquick, and it always tasted salty to me. I don't want salty in my dessert cake! This was an issue I had with almost all foods made with bisquick though, and I'm not sure if they've changed the formula over the years, or if I can't taste salt anymore, but after my friend's sister made us pancakes recently, I didn't taste the salt.  I still don't keep it on hand though, so I needed to find a good recipe to make these from scratch.

Even from scratch recipes tend to be a bit salty to me though, and contain things like a huge stick of Crisco.  I never have cream in the house, but I'd just gone to Costco, and out of a desire to not stop at the regular grocery store as well, picked up a whole quart of cream.  "Holy crap...that's a lot of cream that I don't want my husband to put in Kahlua,"  I wisely think to myself.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Things that make you go ooh la la

I've always struggled to get my husband to remember what should and should not go into the dryer.  I realized after years of having clothing die quickly, that I was murdering it by putting it in the dryer too hot.  One day I finally figured it out and said to him, "listen, if it makes you go ooh la la, don't put it in the dryer!"

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Book Review: To Breathe the Breath of Isis

To Breathe the Breath of Isis
Author: Elizabeth Marx
Genre: Historical Romance/Time Travel
Tour Host: Lady Amber's Tours


One woman. One man. An eternity of love hammered into twenty-one pieces of silver.

Marguerite is a victim of a vicious attack. The resulting brain damage causes amnesia and
when she inexplicably appears in a tomb in Thebes, she insists she was coming to meet
Robert Bruton. Disorientated, destitute, and alone, she senses that her necklace has led
her to this familiar swashbuckler who takes her breath away; however, he claims he does
not know her.

Lord Robert Bruton, eminent Egyptologist, and possible spy for the crown, has never
discovered anything as captivating as the young woman he recovers unconscious on
his dig. He has staked his career on finding the final resting place of Queen Tiye and
wonders why Marguerite possesses a piece of jewelry belonging to the Eighteenth
Dynasty queen. She could be a tomb robber, an American spy, or a madwoman spouting
fantastical stories.

As the necklace’s curse is revealed, the fire of Marguerite’s and Bruton’s ancient bond
burns between them. But when Marguerite disappears, Bruton fears that the wings of Isis
have carried away the true treasure he has been seeking his entire life.
For to breathe the breath of Isis is to be reborn.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Vacation Adventures --- You know you're sick...

when you're willing to sleep on an airport floor.  Okay, at least I knew my husband was sick when he was willing to do it...twice.  I think he would have preferred checking into a hotel for the 6 hours between us checking out of our hotel, and being able to go to the airport, but I'm a mean taskmaster, so I wouldn't let him.  Truthfully, neither of us realized how sick he was, and we wanted to attempt to get our last day of Universal Studios in.  Yeah, that didn't happen.

We had to check out of our hotel by 10am, but since the husband wasn't feeling well, I did all of the packing and it took me a couple of hours that morning to get my tired butt up, and to get two suitcases packed to perfection.  Have you seen this video? It was totally my packing inspiration. I had one suitcase packed with nothing but 90% of our clothing, and the other was our 10% that we had been wearing the night before, or were dirty, or were being used to wrap up our souvenir glasses.  It works, well, but don't expect to be able to shove stuff in around your clothing.  

So we were off, and then stopped at Whole Foods to pick up some breakfast, and then went to the park. I even paid the extra $5 to get the preferred parking so that we didn't have to walk 'as far.' That sort of a crock though, since you have to walk a half mile from the garage just to get to either park.  Since we weren't there when they opened, but 3 hours later...Harry Potter World was PACKED, and any chance of hitting up rides that last day, with a sick husband in tow, were dashed. I took a couple of pictures and then we started the long walk back around the park to the car.  It's like...11:30 at this point and our flight doesn't leave until 8pm.  So...I tell him to put his seat back and take a nap...and I start reading the book I'm posting a review for tomorrow. 

'Throngs' of people, as the husband calls them, and a 126 minute wait, at 10:30am. First time we went, I walked in, no line at all. I should have ridden everything 5 times, instead of once!  
Around 1pm, we go get gas, drive to the airport, return the car and are hanging out on the bottom floor. In the Orlando airport, they have these (bolted the floor lest you start to think they are nice) wicker seating areas, and it's quieter and much emptier than the gates upstairs.  After attempting to sleep sitting up, the hubby just says, I'm laying on the floor and proceeds to wedge himself between the chair and a column.  After warning him that he would contract a communicable disease, and that I was burning his clothing when we got home, I gave him my coat to lay on, and kindly arranged our luggage so it sort of shielded him from people looking at him. 

There we sat for a couple of hours while I found out about a new Pope being selected and stalked Huffington Post waiting to find out who it was. A nice girl, a college sophomore in town to play golf, asked to borrow my phone to call her ride, and we ended up finding out about Pope Francis at the same time, and I even was able to watch his first remarks LIVE...all from my phone, in an airport in Orlando.  Seriously, I love love love technology.  

Sadly, that technology  didn't serve us terribly well at the Southwest/AirTran counter were the poor women couldn't figure out how to check our bags as well as get our tickets. Apparently they just changed it that week, and it was giving them a massive headache. Luckily, that gave me time to realize that one of our bags was over weight by 5lbs, and I quickly shoved my husbands shoes (umm..3lbs..he has some heavy shoes), the candy from Harry Potter World, and a beach towel (1.5lbs!) into the duffel bag I'd smartly gotten the hubs to buy the day before.  

Getting through security it's own adventure, with TSA agents telling us (as we funneled from one line to the next), that we needed to be 'assertive' to get into line. Seriously?  I'm not a fan of crowds like that...not a fan at all.  Luckily it was moving quickly, although they made me go through one of the body scanners I generally abhor. I wasn't standing around for an hour waiting to get pat down, so I just went through the thing, all the while the TSA agent insisting that it gave off, 'like a thousand less times the amount of radiation than a cell phone.' Uh-huh.   It showed a spot on my arm, and while the lady patted my arm down, I mentioned I'd given myself a huge bruise there the night before. I'm pretty sure that set it off, but at least the underwire in my bra didn't set off the metal detector this time. 

The lady behind me in line had her luggage stopped under the x-ray machine and was worried because she'd packed her son's toy ax, and thought they might think it was a weapon. Uh nope...they were more concerned about the 4 large bottles of suntan lotion in her bag.  Yep! Totally slipped her mind. 

Long story short, I drugged my husband up with Sudafed and ibuprofen at our gate, and tried really hard to get him to not try to sleep on the mashed into the carpet Craisins that were on the floor that he, once again, insisted on laying on.  We rolled onto a plane that was VERY luckily only about 25% full, and after a rather scary landing that made me question the sanity, and ability of the pilot, we got home.  Seriously, that landing was so bad and shaky that some poor woman a few rows up puked. Apparently all of us were feeling pretty motion sick.  After that, I was happy that we paid an extra couple of dollars a day to have a bus that drove us to our car, this time the bus even had a nice Chevy Chase doppelganger on it. The husband insists that the 'real' Chevy Chase wouldn't be wearing a tie. Who knows.  

So we're home, with the kitties, and nothing like being away to make you more grateful to be home.  Now if only all the laundry were done!  

Monday, March 11, 2013

Vacation Adventures -- That time I almost met Justin Bieber...with photographic proof

We have had a couple of really fun days...and it was nice to take yesterday to do very little.  Yesterday morning my husband woke up and told me to call and get a massage. I'm not sure if it was as a treat, to keep me out of pain, or to keep me out of his hair for an hour, but either way I was taking it.  I had a wonderful massage at 4pm, and came out to find him by the pool.  As I walked out I saw a kid fully dressed, in glasses, and a wacky hat sitting on the side of a lounge chair. I said to myself, "hrmm...he sorta looks like the beebs, but no way..." and sat down with my husband.

Let me insert here that my husband knows jack crap about pop culture, and is proud of this fact.  He turns to me and says " you know who that is?" to which I respond, "he looks like Justin Bieber, but he's supposed to be in Europe right now, right? (sue me, I read the Huffington Post!) Wait..are you shitting me? Is that really him?"

Up until about a year ago, I had no idea who this kid was, and thought his last name was beaver the first time I heard it. I'm as vulnerable to being starstruck as the next person though, and I thought it was pretty damn cool that I was sitting 10 feet away from a really famous dude.  And my phone was almost dead. I got one picture off, and my husband and I sat and chatted for a bit.  While I had been getting a massage, he had actually talked to some people in the Beeb's posse, and every once in awhile people had come up and asked him for a picture.  People generally were polite...but I think that's because 99% of them had no idea who he was. Just for the record, had he been wearing a swimsuit, no sunglasses or huge ass hat, I probably wouldn't have recognized him.  I did not ask for a picture with him, because the kid was trying to relax and watch his friends play volleyball, and I'm by no stretch of the imagination a fan.   For all those that are wondering, yes...his pants were pulled up and secured at his waist.

So here is the picture you asked for, since my friend Paige is fond of reminding me, "picture or it didn't happen."

Fast forward to tonight where we decided to play some water volleyball and invited all of the kids that were looking at the ball longingly to play with us.  I had no idea what fodder for hilarious conversation this decision would render.

I'm 28, so it's been quite a few years since I was some screechy 12 year old girl. I really should have remembered this when I made the tactical error (for my ears) of telling the girls that we invited to play volleyball with us that Justin Bieber was at our pool the day before.  Yes, he was. I was not lying, and yes I had a picture to prove it.  What?!?!?!?! (insert copious amounts of screaming here, and a burgeoning headache...not to mention a ruined pseudo volleyball game that was left at the wayside as all three girls converged and started screaming in unison.

  • Some hilarious quotes include, "I take my Bieber very seriously!"
  • After much screaming about whether or not he was still here, my husband saying "What if he was still here? What would you do? What would you do if David Bowie was here instead?" to which a 12 year old said "Who is that? Is that a guy that looks like Justin Bieber?" (Clearly my 40 year old husband hasn't had a conversation with a 12 year old girl in a very long time).  
  • Going along with the age thing...the girls on the husband 'team' (we really weren't playing) thought that he was my father. When I told them that I was almost 30, they thought I was lying. Apparently 30 year olds are really old, and I didn't look old enough. It seems to be a reoccurring theme that I don't look old enough.  Ha.  
  • One of the girls that we were playing with was a 13 year old Canadian.  She introduced herself to the other girls and said "Hi, I'm Dee, I'm from Canada." Other girls response "OMG YOU'RE CANADIAN  YOU'RE LIKE AN ALIEN!"  
  • These girls became pretty social after we stopped playing and decided to introduce themselves to other people in the pool. I heard Dee introducing herself by saying "Hi! I'm Canadian  I'm like an alien!" to which the people she was introducing herself to responded with, "uhh...hi. We're Canadian too." Umm...awkward!  
  • I need to mention that even after showing them a picture of the Beebs, they didn't believe that he was actually here. They were fainting over themselves about it, but didn't believe us. Cause, we have nothing better to do than lie to pre-teens. Anyways, about 90 minutes later as we were leaving the girl Dee walked over and said, very proudly to us, "I believe you now that Juster Bieber was here. I talked to the security people and they said he left at 5am today." Oh good! Now we can sleep tonight knowing that you believe that we'd tell the truth.  

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Vacation highlights, life updates and blogging confessions

I realized today, while my husband was giving me another HTML/CSS lesson that, in the midst of the insanity of the last week, I had neglected to post much. Some of these updates are short on purpose--I want to expound on them in other entries that I haven't had the time to write yet. I feel bad 'stealing' my husband's laptop while we're out of town, and I can feel his palpable desire to be playing a video game from the other room.

I was reluctant to post about this immediately afterwards because I didn't want to come off as bitchy, but here goes. It did not, in any way, go as planned. In the past, I spend a week frantically attempting to clean my house,  begging for tables, and having everything prepared, then on the appointed morning, everyone shows up on time and swaps. At the end, people take all the leftover stuff to charity, leaving me exhausted but with a moderately clean house.  This time though, most people seemed to cancel, show up really late, or just showed up to hang out.

 I can't overstate the awesome of having few enough people in my house that I was able to sit down and have real conversations with people. However,  I have to admit that it was frustrating to spend so much time, energy and money, only to have the swap aspect of it...sort of flop.  I know my husband had an awesome time gathering geeky stuff for his side of the swap, but since none of his friends seemed to show up at the same time, he's going to basically warehouse all of the stuff people brought, and have another event in the future.   I also felt bad for the people that brought things to swap, and took home very little.  I feel like I need to apologize to them, even though so much of this was out of my control.  All ends well though, since the high schooler that scored all of our leftover clothing to give away to our local community, was super psyched. I would also like to give a huge thank you to our friends that came and hung out all day, and made it a really fun time. Also a thank you to my table providers, food cookers, people who moved stuff for me, and everyone that showed up.

Trainer: I've been somewhat steadily losing weight over the last 15 months, and have realized that I really need to kick up the physical activity aspect of my weight loss, and work on getting muscle tone back and getting some endurance. I'm pretty pitiful in the endurance department right now.  Watching Biggest Loser has actually inspired me to get more active, and in that spirit, I took my friend up on her recommendation of a personal trainer.  This woman is beyond perky. Think...hyper without caffeine, now add in a gallon of coffee to the mix. I have to admit, when I met her at her gym for our first session, the fact that it was filled with skinny fit people...very intimidating.  Just for the record--I was rightfully scared of the hyper one, because my quads were so sore the next day, that I could barely walk.  She failed in the 'taking it easy' aspect of our first session.   This session is short because I'm going to write more about this later.

Ha...ha...ha. Oh so many stories already.  Did you know this massive blizzard was supposed to hit the DC area last week? Actually supposed to hit the same time yours truly was supposed to fly out of a DC area airport to fly to sunny Florida?  Oh well, it was, but in true DC style, the storm was a dud.  We didn't know that though, so we ended up in Florida a day ahead of schedule, sans a hotel room or car. Here are some highlights so far though:

  • It sucks, but you can pack for vacation in an hour. You'll forget your camera, an extra duffle bag, cash and a variety of other things, but it can be done.
  • Getting a rental car that I've dubbed 'the dickmobile!
  • Buying a vacation package and when we arrive finding out that it's a timeshare.  Kitchen and laundry for the win!
  • Finding out that there are two outlet malls in Orlando and we're at the wrong one
  • Rainforest Cafe -- definitely about the experience, and the experience is better if you're under 10
  • Heated pools are manna from heaven
  • 5 story arcades make 40th birthday's awesome
  • So does getting a blue handprint on your head
  • BUTTERBEER BUTTERBEER BUTTERBEER!!!!! Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter!!!!
  • I likey resorts...

Overall, a hectic, crazy, but fun couple of weeks.  I think blog writing is sort of like exercising, the more you do it, the more you want to do it.  If you stop for awhile though, it's much much harder to get back into it. Consistency is key in so many aspects of life and has always been what I struggle with.  I however, love writing this blog, love getting the feedback, and love having random people I didn't know read my blog, quote it to me.  Yes, I'm a bit of an attention whore and it makes me feel special inside.

I have a confession to make though. I don't ever feel like I can be completely open here. I really struggle with not wanting to hurt peoples feelings, or having stuff that I write come back and bite me in the ass.  The two times I've written and posted opinions about people in here, I was immediately told how wrong my opinions were, or that my recounting of a story was incorrect.  Just for the record--I'm not changing a post simply because you don't like how I perceive a situation.  That would ruin the entire point of blogging for me.

My husband has even given me a strict directive to not make fun of him here, although I may tease, cajole, and regale you with tails of his funny antics, I have no intention of mocking him or hurting his feelings.  I never want to do that, but at the same time, I do want to be open, raw, and honest with my writing.  I have an unfortunate tendency to lean towards the negative in my speech and writing, and I make a conscious effort to keep my blog on the happier sunshiney side of things.  I also have this odd, pathological need to have some conclusion in what I do--in my writings you'll see that I always have to 'finish' a post, or in games (why I can't stand games that take too long to play) or books (I like finishing them in 2-3 sittings max).  This need for conclusion makes it really hard for me to open up about issues that I haven't figured out myself yet.

Conclusion?  We will see.  I'm learning a lot about blogging, myself, growing older...and it will be really interesting to see how this blog evolves with me.  My husband originally named my blog, when he set it up, but I never changed it because it resounded so well with me. We all start on square one, and then figure it out as we go. Here's to attempting to figure stuff out.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Memorials and Elusive Beeping

Yesterday started out as a rather stressful day with worrying about a friend having surgery, and remembering that it was also the 20th anniversary of both my grandmother's death, and coincidentally the first bombing of the World Trade Centers in New York.  Twenty years ago, I was 8, and I still distinctly remember getting the call that grandma had passed away. My mom took the call, I was sitting at the table. I knew, as soon as my mom picked up the phone that she had passed away, and while we knew it was coming, that didn't help the mourning process much. My grandmother was an amazing woman who still lives on in our memories and through the lives of her children and grandchildren. I was touched to find out that my mom had put this memorial in the paper.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

We're Going To.....

So we left off with my husband thinking, that when I was talking about going to swim in'the Gulf,' that I was talking about his time overseas during the first Persian Gulf war. Feel free to facepalm--I did. The next day however, out of the blue, this beautiful Google chat happened:

Saturday, February 23, 2013

To Orlando, or not to Orlando Part 1

You know those awesome videos on Youtube where parents tell their kids that they're going to Disney, but only when they're on their way there already? The kids burst out crying, and screaming and carrying on.  Sadly it appears my husband's only response is a soild 'meh.'

Friday, February 22, 2013

Ashes and Ice book review!

As promised, here is my review of the exciting debut novel, Ashes and Ice, by my wonderful friend, Rochelle Maya Callen.  This post is long, but it's because as a bonus gift, you're getting an excerpt at the end! So read my review, then go over to Amazon  or Barnes and Noble and buy it now for only 99 cents. I can't wait until the paperback comes out because I'm planning a giveaway then!   Thank you Lady Amber Tours for hosting this blog tour.  

She is desperate to remember.
He is aching to forget.
Together, they are not broken.
But together, one may not survive.

​Jade wakes up with no memory of her past and blood on her hands.

Plagued by wicked thoughts, she searches for answers. Instead, she finds a boy who doesn't offer her answers, but hope. But sometimes, when nightmares turn into reality and death follows you everywhere, hope is not enough.

LUST. LOVE. LOSS. Sometimes, all that is left are Ashes and Ice

Monday, February 18, 2013

Learning New Skills

My husband is a geek, an alpha geek at that. He loves to make computer's sing and dance. You'd think that would mean that he had the nicest of computers, and nothing technical in our house would ever be broken for long. Yeah, so not true. Right now he's working off of a laptop he just bought, because this desktop that he built while I was still in college, kept blue-screening. His computer history since we moved into this house has been a comedy of error, and hopefully he'll build himself something worthy of the level of his geekiness. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Valentine's Debacle

Time to delve back into my history a bit, before marriage came into the picture, while we were still alight with the glow of a new relationship...

Valentine’s 2009
I had just commuted back from a conference an hour away, was not in a terribly good mood. I had my period, awful cramps and it was Valentine’s Day. What a lovely combination, right?  The one shining light I had though, was that my boyfriend and I would be able to see each other that night. My husband and I started dating right after Thanksgiving five years ago.

Friday, February 8, 2013

New things to come, book reviews!

Soon you will be seeing a new feature on my blog--book reviews. One of my favorite bloggers has pretty regular book reviews, which initially drew my interest. I love to read but frankly, I'm getting sick of reading the free fluff that I get through Pixel of Ink. It's an awesome resource to have (and you should totally check it out).  My issue is that fundamentally, I'm cheap and slightly paranoid, and the idea of electronic books still makes me feel like I was jipped out of a real book. However, I will totally admit that since I discovered brain candy, as I like the call trashy fiction, I became hooked. It's like heroin in literary form, and I really need to expand my horizons a bit and read more genre's of books. I like funny, light and fluffy because it seems like too much of a commitment to delve into something that is deeper. Hopefully this will soon change.

A brief side note on my take on self published books is this -- power to you for taking the time, effort and energy to write a book. It's a huge accomplishment. As such, don't sell yourself short by not having a decent professional editor for your work.  If you don't, and I find any typos at all in your book, my respect for your writing goes down, and I'll lose interest pretty quickly, and your formatting will probably really annoy me. I will almost never stop reading a book unless the editing is so convoluted that I can't follow the story line.  Also, take the time to deal with the editing issues for the kindle to ensure that your typeface isn't so big that it can read on the moon and we aren't allowed to make it any smaller (this happens all the time!).  I know I make tons of typos here, but I'm not, nor do I have a professional editor. I sure as hell can't proofread my own work. Ask my last boss, she'd be glad to point out that shortcoming.  

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Don't Kill Dinner Cover Reveal!

Everyone loves a good vampire book, so I had to do a cover reveal for this awesome looking book that's being released on March 15th!  

Series: The Rules Trilogy
Author: Jennifer Martinez
Genre: Urban Fantasy/New Adult Paranormal Romance (Mature audiences only. Mild to
moderate swearing and sexual situations)

Don't Kill Dinner Blurb:
There are three rules when it comes to being a vampire in New Orleans. 1) Don’t kill dinner.
2) Don’t feed from people you know. 3) Don’t tell anyone. Not too hard, right? Wrong. Kenna
is a new vampire filled with a passion that has turned into an uncontrollable lust for blood.
Will Arthur be able to stop her feeding spree before the coven comes after her or is Kenna
beyond saving?

Arthur has been watching Kenna for years, wanting her to try her own hand in life before he
gave her the ultimate proposal. Now that she has accepted, will his love be enough to save

Author Bio:

One day while slaving away at her monotonous day job, Jennifer Martinez found her true
calling. Like a firefly in the night, the pages called to her. Once she caught the bug there was
no stopping it. Her fingers flew furiously across the keyboard winding tales of love, mystery and
anger. She snapped out of her reverie to find herself still behind the desk but at least she knew
who she was… Author Jennifer Martinez.

I like to think of myself as a beautiful conundrum. When I am not writing, I can be found
surrounded by my amazing family and 4 dogs or volunteering at a local animal rescue. I love who
I am and don’t mind at all when I get strange looks from people. I am a tattoo covered, child and
animal lover who looks forward to destroying peoples preconceived notions of what “someone
like me” would be interested in. You only live life once… you may as well make it interesting.

I love to get lost in a good book and hope that everyone will get lost in mine.


Jennifer Martinez on Facebook
Jennifer Martinez on Twitter
Jennifer Martinez on Amazon
Actor for Hire, The Rules Trilogy 0.5 Kenna’s Story on Amazon
Actor for Hire, The Rules Trilogy 0.5 Kenna’s Story on Smashwords

Friday, February 1, 2013

The Psyched out in the Work Out,

I had a rough week, healthwise and realized yesterday that I felt like I was losing motivation, so I thought that I'm exam that a little bit today. I'd love your feedback too!

Keeping motivated while losing weight is so difficult, but what about when we become our own worst enemy?  What I feel isn't talked enough in relation to weight loss is the psychological effect, especially in people that lose a large amount of weight. It's hard to look in the mirror every day and see a different person, even if you like the person that you're seeing in the mirror.  Basically--you know when you put makeup on, pout your lips all sexy like and take a picture to display yourself in all of your peacock glory on Facebook and you think to yourself 'damn I look pretty good in this picture!' Well, when I look in the mirror now, I feel like I'm looking at that styled up 'skinny day' picture of myself.  When I lost weight in college, I thought I looked good and I was happy with how I looked, but I don't remember looking in the mirror and feeling like I was looking at a different person.  This would sound great, and in many ways it is, but it starts making you question people's motives for being nice to you (would that person still like me if I was fatter?), it starts making you want to scream, "but that's not me!" at the mirror, and it can start planting seeds of doubt in your mind.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

An open letter to my mom

Have you ever come up with this amazing idea, right before you fall asleep, and then forget it? I do that all of the time, especially with blog ideas, but last night right before I fell asleep last night, say to myself, "God, wake me up early tomorrow morning so I can write this," and at 4:59am, unassisted I woke up. The unassisted wake up is a miracle in it's own, because I hate mornings.  The only thing is, God apparently lives in another time zone, because I did NOT intend to get up this early, but I'm awake, and felt really compelled to write this.

My mom is an amazing lady, and I don't think she's give enough credit for what she's been through to get where she is in her self journey of life. We judge people on the surface, and forget about the journeys and the scars and experiences that bring us to this place in time.  If being an adult has taught me anything, it's that adults are just as confused, lost and seeking what they 'want to do when they grow up' that kids are, only they suddenly have a lot less time to do it in. I just want to let my mom know she's appreciated, and thought of, and loved. Even when I forget to call her, she's loved.

Dear Mom, 
I know our relationship has been tumultuous at times, but also know, that I love you more than words can express. I'm sorry for all of the times that I don't call, and I do promise that I'm not ignoring you on purpose, I just suck at calling people back.  I think about you all of the time, and have this childish hope that if I don't hear bad news that you're doing well.  I love calling you to update you on my life, and projects, and the silly stuff my cat is doing.  

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Guest Blog! Beating the Social Stigma of Borderline Personality Disorder

Welcome to the New Year.  While I'm not one of those people to make a bunch of New Year's resolutions just so I can lose all motivation in February, I am someone who likes to look back, take account of what happened and use this time to look forward.  This next year I really want to concentrate on both the physical and financial health of my family.  I want to continue to learn about myself, my health, and set goals for myself that both challenge me but are motivators in themselves.

I'm really excited to have a guest blogger here today.  +Andrea Brooks  and I went to high school together, and she was more of a friend of my brother's than mine, but we reconnected on Facebook and it's been really amazing to see her journey for health this last year.  She was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which is a disorder that I knew very little about. The first thing I thought about when I read 'personality disorder' was 'multiple personality disorder.' I was very wrong!

Opening up about mental illness, something that society still tends to stigmatize and sweep under the rug, is a very challenging experience. When I was a teenager, battling with crippling depression, I never told anyone about my depression. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that confronting your illness is the only way to treat it.  

I am so proud of Andrea for being able to have the strength and courage to start a blog and tell people about her experienced with BPD, while doing it in a really easily readable, and funny way. Also, I give her mad props for being on the ball and posting so frequently, which is something we all know that I am currently challenged with. And here is Andrea!

Most people have no idea what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) really is. If you've heard of it, chances are you have heard some not-so-nice things about the people who have it.

Well folks, I am one of those people who happen to have BPD. And I am here to talk about why society should NOT be so quick to judge and label people like me.

People with BPD have a very hard time regulating their emotions. When we get mad, we become furious….even over the simplest of things. When we are sad, we get depressed, and at times suicidal. Being happy is a rare occurrence. I am often wary of happiness, because I know it will be short-lived, and the despair will soon be back. Most of the time we feel emptiness, or void of emotion. Not to be associated with being sociopathic. We most definitely feel emotions when we have them. It is really hard to explain how it feels to be “dead” inside. Rest assured that BPD sufferers aren't like this ALL of the time…..just on our bad days. Sadly, bad days can often outnumber good days. This lack of emotion is why a lot of BPD sufferers turn to self-harm or substance abuse. We get so desperate to feel SOMETHING, that even physical pain or an altered state of consciousness is welcomed.

We BPD-ers are often self-loathing individuals. Sure, everyone knows what low self-esteem is, but this is more severe than that. Can you imagine HATING yourself? For no apparent reason? Let me tell you, it sucks. Compliments from others are quickly dismissed. We often seek out abusive relationships without realizing it. In our mind, we don’t deserve happiness. Suffering is what we know best, and is almost welcomed.

How does one develop Borderline Personality Disorder? Most professionals believe that it is from abuse or neglect in childhood. Not necessarily physical or sexual (although that is often the case), but children who grew up in a house where their feelings were not validated often develop BPD. A sad child is told repeatedly “You aren’t sad, you are just being a brat….shut up.” Or when they are upset and need comfort they are turned away instead. Those children are taught that emotions are wrong, and are not shown how to properly deal with them. As we grow older, emotionally we remain children in many ways.

How is BPD treated? Just like every other disorder…..medication and therapy. Sadly, there is no BPD medication, and it can be quite difficult finding the right combination of prescriptions to help combat the BPD. Therapy like Dialectal Behavior Therapy is highly thought of to be beneficial to BPD patients, as it essentially re-teaches individuals how to handle their feelings and to regulate emotions.

Unfortunately, Borderline Personality is very VERY difficult to treat. A lot of mental health professionals do not like to work with BPD patients because of the level of difficulty, and the often defiant behavior we exhibit.

By now, you probably have some curiosity as to the life of someone with BPD. If so, you are welcome to read my blog:

Andy has BPD, The (not so) hidden side of me.

My blog is dedicated to my journey in life with Borderline Personality Disorder and my quest to manage my symptoms and have a better quality of life. I am also married with 4 children, so this undertaking is not just for me. On my bad days I strive to do it for them when I don’t care about myself.

I also like to dispel certain myths about people with BPD. Do we make good parents? Are we horrible spouses? Bad employees? What about being a friend to someone with BPD?

Please stop on by and check it out!
Thank you Andrea!  Please stop in an read her blog! 

I feel obligated add a disclaimer that neither of us are medical professionals or are trying to diagnose or treat anything. If you feel like some of these symptoms describe issues that you are having, PLEASE talk to a professional as soon as possible.  It is scary how many years people suffer, thinking that they are alone. You aren't! 

Do you have an experience with BPD?  Do you have it? Are you willing to talk about your experiences in trying to get help in the confusing field of mental health? We would love to hear from you.