Saturday, April 28, 2012

You sell what? *gasp*

It has been far too long. It’s been far too long since I sat at a screen, wrote down my feelings and shared them with the world.  I take pictures, I script out blogs in my head, but my lazy distracted self has failed in blogging lately.  One of the reasons is that it’s really hard to just shoot off fast posts. I have to sit, and ponder and then percolate, and eventually genius ends up on the screen. Just kidding about the genius, but I don’t want you to read anything stream of conscious from me. If you think I get distracted by sparklies in conversations, my writing is worse. I write in paragraphs and then somehow make things sort of fit together. Sort of…see, I’m trying.  Plus, if I don’t at least make a cursory attempt a editing, my husband…judges.  

So my life has been taken up by sex toys, and it’s been difficult for me to figure out exactly what level of hilarious but not necessarily ‘safe for work’ detail I should go into on here.  For example, should I tell the story of how my husband managed to hurt is back ‘lifting a crate of dildos,’ or how I almost shot a ‘sleeve’ across a room while practicing for my demo, or how I fed a parrot a wiener. Actually that last one has nothing to do with sex toys, but it was fun!  So my life, if I thought it was reality TV worthy before, only got better when mixed with gratuitous amounts of lubrication, laughter and my own…lets go with unique, sense of humor. 

I guess I should write here more because someone other than me, and my husband should be in on these adventures.  For example, yesterday I was having lunch with some new women from one of my meetup groups, and they asked what I did.  They were intrigued and we were discussing my company, toys, sexuality and the whole gauntlet of topics.  After awhile one of my friends had to leave, so I turned on the seat to talk to the remaining person at the booth and glanced at the computer the guys in the booth behind us had.  On the screen was a picture of a bloody thorned ‘crown’ as I hear this guy passionately discuss how the thorns in the crown they forced Jesus to wear were 3 inches long.  Apparently I missed the Bibles the dudes were carrying when they sat behind us and began attempting to convert a fellow hipster.  Funny, the guy they were trying to convert was sitting with his back to me, and I’m almost certain he heard…everything that I said. And for the record, I wasn’t at all embarrassed. 

I love to study religion, and spend a huge amount of my time and energy learning about my faith.  I however am sick of ‘religious’ people that  straight out judged me and my character because of what they presume I do.  Yes, I sell sex toys… and lingerie…and lotions… and massage oils…and great products and great opportunities. What I don’t sell are the poor life choices, infidelity and immorality that their judgement charges me with.  What I do isn’t dirty. What is dirty is societies perception of people that use my products.  I say this now, and I will say it again—there is NOTHING wrong with have a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse (or partner because I’m not discriminating).  There is nothing in the Bible against finding your spouse attractive, and trying to be attractive for them.  There is an entire book in the Bible extolling the virtues of finding your spouse beautiful, and desirous.  There is nothing in the Qu’ran against having a healthy sex life. Heck, the hadith actually had requirements on how often men were required to ‘visit’ their wives based on their jobs, and advised lots of foreplay.  No, I’m not digging out quotes.  If you don’t believe me, I will thought.  Please just believe me. I’m lazy.

Starting a business has glaringly brought back into the forefront of my life, my inability to deal with stress.  I have serious difficulty filing things in order of necessity, or priority without first freaking out about feeling like I have a million things to do and no time.  I had a really really hard time in the beginning, feeling like I needed to shove as much knowledge into my head as could possibly fit. When I started having dreams about sending out invitations, and organizing and learning my demo, I realized that I realllllly needed to take a step back.  The crying and fighting with my husband weren’t worth it at all.  It wasn’t until I told myself that it was okay not to be the best immediately that I sort of allowed myself to relax a little. I still am freaked out…I’m worried that I’m having an open house this weekend and no one will come, but then I have to remind myself that I can only do what is in my control. 

That in mind, I’ll clean my house, I’ll make cookies, I’ll ENJOY myself, and I’ll let something be out of my control, because I’ve had an iron grip on that control for so long that my hands have cramps. It’s time to let them relax.  

Okay..brain dump here readers—answer these questions and get a prize.  Okay you won’t get a prize but I’ll write more;).

Who has read 50 Shades of Grey? Am I the only person that didn’t like it? Well…me and the 400 ppl on Amazon that said that they didn’t like it. 

Anyone else feel an incessant need to move their furniture at least once a month? I move my living room furniture constantly. 

Recipes—any new ones?  I just threw some quinoa, veggies and chicken together for lunch and it was tolerable…I may even go so far as saying it was good. 

Time management…what is that? 

Sleepy? I am, so I’m going to bed now.  


  1. I have almost finished reading the first book. Yes, there are three. I like it, but my oh my it's a bit cheesy! It's like real life is NOTHING like that! I would LOVE to move the furniture, but the damn apartment's too small and I think Shawn would have a mild coronary. LOL! Time management: all my stuff happens at night when I'm not working. I feel more motivated. And, sleepy, why yes, yes I am sleepy. Will I go to bed anytime soon? Um, let me drink this cup of coffee and I'll let you know. ;P Love the post, Eileen! :)

  2. I'm glad that you are back to blogging. You may inspire me to start something.Which would be strange because I believe I encouraged you to start. And I agree with you (mostly) about your new profession. I had a great time and can't wait to get the girls together again. My husband thanks you too.

  3. I'm sad you didn't like 50 Shades. I loved it. I loved everything about it and probably wouldn't change anything.

    I am a time management queen. I live and die by my schedules, which drive everyone around me nuts, but I never forget anything, I never feel stressed, and I get everything done. I don't squeeze in things I know I realistically can't get done and then I'm left not feeling stabby. :)

  4. I really need to write a post about 50 Shades of Grey so clarify my feelings on it. I don't want to spend the money to buy the next two, but I do want to read them.

    Benita--so glad to help;). Talk to you friend and get her to call me to book a party! I love that you got me to write this blog because it has brought me so much personal pride, and self confidence.

    Sara-- I live by my calendar, and yet I should schedule even more so it doesn't just look like 'free' time but rather I should know what needs to get done, and when. I have to set expectations for myself, so that I don't wonder where all that time went!

    Jess -- I love having you as a sister:)

  5. I used to make lists of things to get done every day and then stress over it if I didn't get one thing on the list done. Of course it didn't help that on top of the 10 things I wanted to get done every day David added 30 to it AND expected me to get the whole list done BEFORE he came home at 3:30 in the afternoon. Sometimes I'd have 3 doctors appointments to get to for myself and the kids and he'd want me to clean the whole house that day. I gave up the lists when I left him but am thinking about going back to them. If for nothing else the structure it gives my day. I have a date book for my appointments because I always forget to write my appointments on the calender and call in for my rides but then I forget to put the appointments in the date book so I'm digging around in my pocketbook for the cards once a week or month. So much for organizing.
    I think in a way the organizational skills got lost in our family. I know your grandmother certainly doesn't have them. She could actually do an episode on Hoarders. Some days I feel the same way. I look at my kitchen table and can't see the top of it a lot of the time and freak.
    Anyway. Good for you in all that you do. Keep it up and you'll get to where you want to be. It may take a lot of time and effort but you'll get there. I hope to get there soon as well.
    Now back to my list of what I need to get to this week before I leave to go to your mother's. Love ya.

  6. hahah I devoured reading 50 Shades of Grey/Darker/Freed over the course of a weekend and I loved it... but I hated it too. There were a few times where I went NOOOOOO! STOP! You're ruining a perfectly good Dom!

    I thought the stories in the second two books were also just... good. All the sex stuff was just an aside to two crazy stories that I enjoyed.


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