Struggle

I have really been struggling since my last post.  I was on a downswing before I went to the doctor and since she took me off of the SSRI's that I would use to get out of depressive states, I can't seem to get out of this funk.
Last week I was prescribed abilify. I could go on a rant about how I detest taking new to market drugs with no generic (only $588 dollars before insurance!), or how the side effects (increase risk of death!) scare me shitless, but really I'm fighting the whole 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it!' aspect of this diagnoses.  I know that typical depression meds work for me. I had been taking them on and off for the last decade, and it was my own negligence of remembering, or wanting to take a pill that probably led to 99% of failure that I may have had with them.  Since I know that I needed something, and I don't really like feeling like an evil witch, on edge and ready to snap at the first person to look at me, I sucked it up and got the abilify.  Abilify...how I flipping hate thee.  How can I say that after one day? I haven't slept...all flipping night.  I like, no love and treasure my sleep.  I do NOT like laying down at 10:30, being awakened around 11 by my husband's snoring, and then falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep waking up, fall....okay you get the picture, for the next 4 hours to just finally give up at 2:30 am and come downstairs to watch Glee.  I love Glee, but I'm just not a fan of 3am.  Hell..I'm not even TIRED anymore.  Let's see what other fantastic side effects that I get from a medicine that I don't think is right for me.

Thank you to everyone that wrote to me, both publicly and privately after my last post.  It still blows my mind when people call me because they read my blog, or the first thing some relative that I don't frequently talk to says is "I read your blog!"  While it is hard, feeling like I frequently have to censor myself, I do truly enjoy writing here.

I go on Tuesday to have lots of blood drawn and have a sonogram to test for PCOS.  If you haven't had one of those lovely procedures done, I'll just let it surprise you down the line. There is nothing like having to drink 30oz of water in an hour and not be allowed to pee!

This past week I have done lots of activities. It has been a struggle to go, but having people there that I know and care about helps a huge deal.  On Monday we tried out water Zumba.  I was disappointed that it wasn't a difficult work out. In fact, my water aerobics with the old people earlier in the day is usually a lot easier. I'm oscillating between not wanting to take it again, or just do two classes on Monday.  On Tuesday we had book club.  I enjoy Water for Elephants so much that I...don't want to see the movie.  I worry they will butcher a beautiful story.  On Wednesday was yoga.  We make an intention at the beginning of the class.  Mine was "to be present."  I wanted to be there, to enjoy and feel each pose and not spend the whole class wondering when it was over. I think that the rainy weather just got everyone down.  My mom showed up late Wednesday night, so yesterday we ran some errands (because nothing says 'hi mom! like a visit to Costco) and todayyyy we have a charity bingo game tonight. I'm really looking forward to 'bingo for boobies!'  I have boobies, and as it turns out, I like bingo as well (even if I'll never win anything).  As you have probably guessed, it is a charity event.

Here is to getting out of a funk! *raises water bottle*

What did you do this last week? Are you feeling down because of all this rain?

Stupendous Saturday! Friends and yogurt...and mulch?

(insert big satisfied smiley face right here!)

What a great Saturday I have had.  My husband and I both had friends over, and it was a great day, even if it poured most of the day.
Yesterday morning Mona and I headed over to a meetup (with another group) and met some great people.  On the way out, they gave us these beautiful flowers!

This morning I decided to attempt to make yogurt after a friend sent me a link to the http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ recipe.  I only have skim milk and skim fage yogurt, so this might end badly, but oh well I can buy the proper ingredients next time!  After putting the ingredients in the crockpot, allowing the milk to heat for a couple of hours, stirring in the yogurt and letting it cool, I put it in the oven (OFF!) and covered it with everything I could find (including sending my friend upstairs to grab a towel to wrap around it.  I have two aprons around it, and there might be some place mats.  Whatever...it works!

you can't really see anything but the string hanging down from my apron

It says 'NO TOUCH! yogurt"  It was a small sticky note...and a bad marker!

Since I didn't want anyone preheating the oven and starting a massive fire, I also put a sign up...








One of the things that my friend Mar and I love doing is coloring.  No joke...I like it more now that I'm an adult than I did when I was in school.  This is our latest...project.  If it were more zoomed you could see how her side is perfectly even and beautiful and mine is...well me.  Not always inside the lines and uneven.  Pretty much sums up my personality-messy but effective...

It is hard to see, but it is apparently a picture of a sorcerer's chamber. The orange thing at the bottom was supposed to a lion. 

Last night the husband and  I hit up Costco for some serious produce.  Mona and I shared some of hers as well, so I now have mangos, cantaloupe, pineapple, avocados, a sweet potato, spinach and 2 asperagus shoots. I can eat asperagus, but no I don't like it.  This fact is making it really hard for me to finish.  I sort of gave mona most of it.
The menu this week worked pretty well.  The hubs either ate a couple of bites of my food or had it for left overs, which worked pretty well. I ended up cooking the hamburger meat yesterday, and then we can make tacos whenever we want.  We ate at Costco last night since we were there, which made me feel a little guilty but my husband doesn't deal well with hunger, so I had to feed to beast.  Here are some yummy produce shots...



Twice a year we apparently have to mulch our front garden.  This is okay in theory, but I didn't know jack about mulching.  I made a big mistake. Instead of getting the more expensive stuff that is darker, I got the cheap red crap that it looked like they had put down before.  Dyed...wood. What was I thinking?  Basically, I don't now won't eat anything out of the garden (there was an herb garden) because God knows what chemicals they use.  Oh well...lesson learned.  Next time, I'm getting cedar or pine. Does anyone know anything about using dyed mulch? I've never mulched before. I'm glad I was planning on simply container gardening anyways!

Before the red mulch fiastco I pulled out a bunch (no seriously, it takes over) of mint and decided to make mint lemonade from a recipe I found online.  It's good...I've had way too much. I ran out of lemon juice...two bottles. I should be shot for using it, but I had it on hand and...they did all the work for me! I just had to measure it, right?  It was a good project for 9pm.

That is it for tonight!  I'm thinking tomorrow will be low key.  I will try to get some pictures of our front garden now that it is mulched, even if I will grimace every time I look at it...just a little.