Memorials and Elusive Beeping

Yesterday started out as a rather stressful day with worrying about a friend having surgery, and remembering that it was also the 20th anniversary of both my grandmother's death, and coincidentally the first bombing of the World Trade Centers in New York.  Twenty years ago, I was 8, and I still distinctly remember getting the call that grandma had passed away. My mom took the call, I was sitting at the table. I knew, as soon as my mom picked up the phone that she had passed away, and while we knew it was coming, that didn't help the mourning process much. My grandmother was an amazing woman who still lives on in our memories and through the lives of her children and grandchildren. I was touched to find out that my mom had put this memorial in the paper.

Where do I come from? Nature vs. Nurture

As much as I put my life out on the Internet by having a blog, I rarely blog about things that are very personal to me.  I worry about hurting feelings, and I know that everything you put on the Internet can come back and bite you in the ass later.  The thing is though, that this is MY story and I'm going to own it, feelings be damned.

My mother and father divorced when I was a baby. I think she left him when I was around six months old.  Their relationship was volatile, abusive and crappy all around.  They shouldn't have been married to start with, and I wonder frequently if they fed off of each other's addictions and bad habits. I don't remember it, but my brother who is 2.5 years older than I am, does.  I remember seeing my biological father (let's just go for BF for brevity) only once when I was a child. My mom re-married when I was three.  I call him my Dad and I give him all props for raising me and helping me become the person I am today.

Every little girl has a dream that someone will take her away from her mundane existence and turn her into a pretty princess. Yeah, it's what Disney thrives on. Since I was raised on Disney, I always harbored these unrealistic hopes that my BF had actually gotten his life together, was married and that I would have a sister.  Yes, I wanted a sister damnit! I had the brother and he was a pain in the ass.  My mother was never coy about the fact that my biological father was abusive to her, never attempted to have anything to do with us, and had "issues."  I knew him through a singular picture that I saw once or twice as a child, and knew next to nothing about his family but I always wondered.

When I was sixteen, I begged my aunt and grandmother to let me meet my BF. I was sixteen, my home life was screwy, I was spending the summer out east where he lived and I wanted to know where I came from.  I knew I looked like my mother, not him, but there is that thing that every adopted child must go through. This quirk--did I inherit it? Can he roll his tongue? I can't (and apparently neither can he).  Does he have musical talents? I have insanely good pitch and my mother is tone deaf. What part of me came from him?  I think if you grow up with your biological parents, you miss these little things.  I saw my grandmother recently, after about a year, and I saw how her nose has a sharper triangular end like my mothers, but it has been blunted through the generations. Now the end of my nose is more rounded.  I see that she moves her body like my mother, makes the same faces like my mother and you wonder about the nature vs. nurture.

My aunt and grandmother helped facilitate my meeting my biological father that summer. This is something my mother will never forgive them for.  I'm still not sure how much of that dislike and distrust was already simmering under the surface of their 'relationship' and that this was just a handy excuse for her to cut off communication.  I refuse to feel guilty or apologize for meeting him. It was my time, I was able to make that decision and it should have been mine years before.

My aunt took me to meet him at a Barnes and Noble. I recognized him, not only from that picture, but because my brother does look so much like him, but life has been kinder to my brother.  BF was sporting a semi-mullet, and looked like the 80's never let go of him.  He smokes and it killed his teeth, he has scars on the back of his hands from putting cigarettes out on them.  Life...hasn't been kind to the guy.  His accent is thick, and he was kind to me.  We drove around, he took me into Boston one day, and for that summer he was very engaged.  He mentioned how he thought of me every year on my birthday...and then had the day wrong. Like I said...good intention, but the execution? Off.   I think that he really did want this opportunity to know us, and he does regret that he hadn't been a part of our life.  But, he also suffers from ADHD and depression which make it hard for him to cope with his own survival let alone attempting to carry on some sort of relationship with his kids who live hundreds of miles away.  

Over the summer I was able to meet my aunts and uncle, my grandmother and cousins.  When I saw my Aunt Linda, for the first time since I was a toddler, I recognized her. I could have picked her out of a crowd as being related to me. It was odd. I didn't get that with anyone else but her, and immediately liked her.  I don't regret that summer in part because my grandmother died a couple of days before Christmas that year and if I hadn't met her then, I never would have. My brother actually ended up going out to live with BF, but eventually came back home after some inevitable breakdown/blow up on BF's part.

Fast forward to now.  My brother has kept in touch with BF, but since I met him, and satiated my curiosity, didn't feel a burning desire to continue contact.  I had a life to live and college to attend.  I've sent him a few emails, but he doesn't respond much because he doesn't have much access to Internet.  The other night I was laying in bed, listening to my husband read  On a Pale Horse, and I got a text message...from him.  My brother gave him my phone number.  It didn't give me some adrenaline rush, it didn't annoy me, I felt almost nothing.  I owe this man nothing, and have gotten more or less that in response. I however have kept in touch with his sister Linda, and for Christmas she sent me pictures of when I was a toddler.  That...that meant more to me than anything else. Since I lived with my grandmother during this time, I didn't even know there were pictures of me.  Linda, I really like. Perhaps because she has a settled life, a wonderful son and a steady job. My BF is what I fear my brother turning into.  A brilliant artist without the social skills to do something with it. A wonderful brain but crippling depression that makes reaching his potential almost impossible, and a life I fear he has greatly wasted.

I thank my biological father for his ear for music and my Dad for teaching me how to play instruments and giving me an environment for learning them in.  I thank my BF for creating me and knowing that he didn't have what it took to be a dad.  I thank my Dad for being that man for me and my brother.  My desire to know my BF has never been about my Dad not being good enough. It's always been about a need to know where I came from, and a desire to better understand myself and my motivations.  I've been so lucky in my life, and so blessed.  Yes, I suffer from some of the same things that my BF and mother suffer from but since the environment that I grew up in was so radically different, I never turned to alcohol and drugs as a means to escape. I turned to books, and college.

Countdown to Operation Full House

The real countdown starts today--one week until my wonderful in-laws will be here! One will until we meet them at the airport, instead of us having to go out there.  I don't think there is a better feeling than walking off of a plane, through the doors and seeing people that love you standing there waiting for you.  Oh it warms my heart to think about it!!  They always do it for us, and I can't wait to do it for them.  Plus, they'll feel like it is much earlier so we can keep them up late.

The guest bed is almost ready.  We picked up a box spring last night, tied it to the top of the SUV and drove the two miles home...slowly.  My husband tied all the doors shut (with me in) and then did a HILARIOUS contortionist act to get in.  Crap, he's going to cause me grievous injury me for mentioning this. (love you baby!!) Hubs was trying his hardest to get the slats made, but mother nature decided that hail was more important than my guest bed.  It will get done, along with a shower curtain and then we will be a go.  My husband might be slow to get stuff done, but since I started stressing about having the guest room done a month ago, he has been great at getting stuff done.

My mom comes in on Saturday.  If it seems that I'm not as excited about seeing her, it is because she isn't too far away and I get to see her frequently whereas I get to see my in-laws 1-2 times per year.  I am excited at seeing her, and while my in-laws go visit some other friends for a couple of days I hope to take her to the zoo. I have been promising for far too long and it's time I go back!  I'm also really psyched that my dad will get to come spend some time out here, as he still hasn't seen our house and I think the last time he saw Newton he was a teeny widdle kitten.  The day we got Newton we left the house where we picked him up, and went to meet my dad to direct him to our new house.  Newton purred the entire time, like he knew he was going to a good home.  Of course, the next time the poor thing was in the cat carrier he umm..had his manly bits removed, so he isn't exactly fond of it anymore. How did I get from dad to kitten?  Anyways, I'm excited to have all these awesome people coming to share my abode...plus now instead of just me wanting to cook there will be 4 people wanting to cook (my dad is an amazing BBQ'ing god). Food...yum.

This weekend is also going to be awesome since our friends from WV decided to come out to visit.  They only gave me 48 hrs notice, so I don't have enough time (or inclination) to stress about it.  They won't care if my house is a little messy, as long as the toddler can't pull something down and conk himself on the head.  Actually I'm pretty sure he will do this at least once, but as long as we watch, he should escape too much injury.  If he tries riding my cat though, all bets are off.  I have to go to orientation for school on Saturday morning, but hopefully we can get some fun stuff in this weekend and my husband can get some video games in with his friend.

Oh food porn--I made spiced quinoa for dinner but I made a few changes to my own past recipe. First, I went back to Roni's original recipe and added a pear instead of apple. I realized that if you get the pear before it is overripe, they aren't gritty. I can dig that.  It was a little harder than perhaps optimal, but it was still sweet and the texture was like a firm apple.  I also added some raspberries that I picked up today.  Delish. I needed to up my fruit intake and I think that this dinner did it.  I think I ate it all...well...whatever didn't burn to the bottom of the pot because I opened the lid of the quinoa and that always makes it overcook.  Note to readers: when cooking quinoa, don't open the lid...no joke, it makes it burn to the bottom. I think I might want to cut the time from 12 to 11 minutes, but I'm pretty convinced that opening the lid to check on it damned me.  If you check the link up there out, you'll see that I said this same thing months ago when I wrote the original post.  I shall never learn.

I'm sure I will be back soon with lots of pictures of adorable drooling children. I anticipate lots of snuggles, and mess.  I also anticipate Henry hiding under our bed looking terrified (which is how he normally looks).

Family Traditions

Growing up we had a lot of awesome traditions in my Dad's family.  Some of them were around food--like the gingersnaps we all gobbled up, or the pecan rolls someone would make every year for Thanksgiving.  Other traditions, such as meeting up on Boxing Day instead of Christmas were made up out of convenience so that people weren't rushing and travelling on Christmas Day.  I do remember some raucous Christmas parties when I was little at some relatives house that involved my grandmother lighting a rum soaked figgy pudding on fire.

One tradition as a child that I loved and will always remember fondly were the plays that we would make up every year and put on. These weren't exactly elaborate plays, since most of us, at the time, were 10 and under but they were fun! We would generally steal fairy tales and rename the characters with the names of our parents.  My Dad has six siblings, so we had ample names to choose from.  I think my brother and I actually inadvertently started this tradition when I was about 4 with a stunning rendition of the Frog Prince. Actually I have no recollection of the actual play, but I assume that since someone took a picture, I was stunning.  Memories...

We haven't done plays in a awhile as 'the cousins,' as we are referred to, have grown up. We moved away when I was 10, and missed most family gatherings over the next decade since it wasn't quite as easy to keep in touch then as it is now.  I've only been able to participate in a handful of family events, mostly since I moved back to the east coast, but one tradition I always loved was the Christmas rotation.  Every year the family would sign up, and they would draw names to find out who you had for Christmas.  With seven kids and their families, the list is long, and you would get one or two people to buy presents for each year.  It worked for many years, with some awesome presents coming my way as a kid, and I happily joined in the rotation a couple of years ago. Every year at Christmas, even when we were hundreds of miles away, I would get so excited to see those packages arrive in the mail, and know that my family had thought of us.  To a kid far away from her family...it meant the world to me.

I was really saddened to find out that this year they are stopping the Christmas rotation.  I had contacted a family member in England asking if I could help with some of the cooking, since she sent out gingersnaps to everyone every year, only to find out that since the rotation wasn't going to happen...she wasn't going to make them.   Like our plays, another  family tradition that helped shape my life has ended.  It seems like a little thing, but there were years when either I didn't get any presents at all, or very few and those packages from family made my holiday.  Ever have a Christmas with no presents? It really sucks. It seems like a little thing...but those little things tell people that you care. So this year...I want to make those gingersnaps that have been lovingly made and sent out, even when they were made in October to get from England to the States by Christmas. I want to send out Holiday cards when I never cared about them before.  Maybe I can start a Christmas rotation with my cousins...the sky is the limit. I want to make my own traditions.

What are some family traditions from your childhood? Do they live on, or have they died out as you've gotten older?

Struggle

I have really been struggling since my last post.  I was on a downswing before I went to the doctor and since she took me off of the SSRI's that I would use to get out of depressive states, I can't seem to get out of this funk.
Last week I was prescribed abilify. I could go on a rant about how I detest taking new to market drugs with no generic (only $588 dollars before insurance!), or how the side effects (increase risk of death!) scare me shitless, but really I'm fighting the whole 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it!' aspect of this diagnoses.  I know that typical depression meds work for me. I had been taking them on and off for the last decade, and it was my own negligence of remembering, or wanting to take a pill that probably led to 99% of failure that I may have had with them.  Since I know that I needed something, and I don't really like feeling like an evil witch, on edge and ready to snap at the first person to look at me, I sucked it up and got the abilify.  Abilify...how I flipping hate thee.  How can I say that after one day? I haven't slept...all flipping night.  I like, no love and treasure my sleep.  I do NOT like laying down at 10:30, being awakened around 11 by my husband's snoring, and then falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep waking up, fall....okay you get the picture, for the next 4 hours to just finally give up at 2:30 am and come downstairs to watch Glee.  I love Glee, but I'm just not a fan of 3am.  Hell..I'm not even TIRED anymore.  Let's see what other fantastic side effects that I get from a medicine that I don't think is right for me.

Thank you to everyone that wrote to me, both publicly and privately after my last post.  It still blows my mind when people call me because they read my blog, or the first thing some relative that I don't frequently talk to says is "I read your blog!"  While it is hard, feeling like I frequently have to censor myself, I do truly enjoy writing here.

I go on Tuesday to have lots of blood drawn and have a sonogram to test for PCOS.  If you haven't had one of those lovely procedures done, I'll just let it surprise you down the line. There is nothing like having to drink 30oz of water in an hour and not be allowed to pee!

This past week I have done lots of activities. It has been a struggle to go, but having people there that I know and care about helps a huge deal.  On Monday we tried out water Zumba.  I was disappointed that it wasn't a difficult work out. In fact, my water aerobics with the old people earlier in the day is usually a lot easier. I'm oscillating between not wanting to take it again, or just do two classes on Monday.  On Tuesday we had book club.  I enjoy Water for Elephants so much that I...don't want to see the movie.  I worry they will butcher a beautiful story.  On Wednesday was yoga.  We make an intention at the beginning of the class.  Mine was "to be present."  I wanted to be there, to enjoy and feel each pose and not spend the whole class wondering when it was over. I think that the rainy weather just got everyone down.  My mom showed up late Wednesday night, so yesterday we ran some errands (because nothing says 'hi mom! like a visit to Costco) and todayyyy we have a charity bingo game tonight. I'm really looking forward to 'bingo for boobies!'  I have boobies, and as it turns out, I like bingo as well (even if I'll never win anything).  As you have probably guessed, it is a charity event.

Here is to getting out of a funk! *raises water bottle*

What did you do this last week? Are you feeling down because of all this rain?

Losing my religion...part 1

Recently a friend on facebook asked my conclusions on religion and I realized that it was time to write this post.  I think that I have had difficulty writing this post as I don’t really feel like defending my lack of religiosity to people who are thoroughly entrenched in their own beliefs.  As you will learn, I love faith and religion and it’s role in humanity.  If you have questions, feel free to comment and ask them, but know that I’m not and will never pretend to be a theologian.


This caveat aside, let’s dive in.  


When I was 8 years old my parents decided to formally join the Roman Catholic Church.  We were, at the time, attending a lovely Catholic school, and my step-father had been brought up in a very Catholic influenced household (German AND Irish, need I say more?).  I once asked my dad about their decision to join the Church and he told me that they (he and my mother) wanted us to have some religious foundation in our lives.  My parents never forced us in any way in our religious upbringing.  We went to Church on Sunday’s and said Grace before meals, and that was about it.  If we wanted to explore, or question we were allowed to, as long and we still went to Mass with them.  By the time I was in high school, I was going to Mass by myself most of the time, which in the end, enabled me to go to other Churches as well.


I still remember the first time I went to Mass (this may have actually been before we were enrolled in the school....I was young and things get moved around in my head over the years).  Fr. Francis a lovely priest with a heavy Ghanan accent was leading Mass.  I did not have a clue as to what he said for the entire hour.  Not because the Mass is such a rich ritualistic prayer celebration, nope...it was because his accent was so thick.  If you’ve attended Mass many times, this isn’t a problem since it is pretty much always the same and you can follow along.  For an 8 year old...it was a little daunting.  I asked my dad if it would always be like that, and he explained to me about the whole accent thing. Like I said, I was young.

My brother and I were baptised together when I was in second grade.  My 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Ryan was my sponsor since  my aunt and grandfather that I had picked as Godparents weren’t able to come. Mrs. Ryan scared the crap out of me. I was too young to even know all of the stereotypical ‘Catholic school-teacher’ myths but she sort of...no, she did fit them.  I went from having a huge public school first grade teacher who was very soft spoken; I don’t remember her ever yelling at us, to this tiny class with a spitfire of a woman that could put anyone back in their place with a single glare.  She even scared my mother! She wasn’t all bad though,  she had a lot to teach us, plus I’m sure we were a rowdy bunch.  During my second grade year I was Baptized, received my First Reconciliation (confession) and had my First Communion.  I don’t remember the specifics but my brother was Baptized and received First Communion with my class.  


Attending Catholic school meant that we had catechism lessons during class, and attended Mass at least once a week.  During the period leading up to receiving First Communion we would hang out in the church a lot practicing. We got to eat popcorn instead of the ‘bread’ served during mass, and let’s just say, the popcorn tasted a lot better.  You’d be surprise at how long it takes 15 7-8 year old’s to hold their hands correctly and respond correctly when there is an entire church to look at.  We also got to go back into the sacristy and see where the Priest would get dressed, and all of the ceremonial garb and accouterments. One thing that struck me was this sink with a sieve.  Our teacher told us that it was in case someone were to throw up after receiving communion they could sift out the host.  I have no idea what they’d do with it then, but vomit was a taboo subject and I might have stopped listening.  


Another thing we learned was that the church was named after St. James, and that in the alter there was a box with a tiny fragment of bone from St. James. At the time I thought, and I still do, that this was a little morbid.  I have never felt the urge to keep the bones of a dead friend close to me for comfort.


After we moved to the great Midwest we still attended Sunday school weekly (at this point I’m not sure if my brother attended) and eventually I was confirmed in the church.  I was also, interestingly enough, an alter server. My dad was the one that trained us actually.  If you go to a church where they ring bells, did you know that this is because Mass was originally in Latin and it was to wake up the people that couldn’t understand Latin and alert them that something interesting (in this case the blessing of the host) was going on? I learned that that day!  


I loved being involved the church, the choir and the community, even if it was small.  I’m a social person, and I didn’t really fit in at school.  


I love the Catholic church and it’s devotion to social justice.  My Catholic university experience really emphasised that.  I love nun’s who devote their lives to service and helping others. I also adore my grandfather who, after my grandmother passed away, became a priest.  He is such an amazing and awesome man and I can’t thank him enough for all of the long email conversations about religion that we had through my college years, and beyond.  


Even if I don’t consider myself Catholic anymore, I have defended the Catholic Church and what it’s dogma stipulates. For many years after, I still felt like a warm blanket was thrown around me and I was held in my mother’s lap when I attended Mass. It was a comfort.  The familiar words and hymns washed over me.  


I just don’t believe it.  In something like religion that, in the end, comes fundamentally down to faith, I just didn’t have it anymore.  I have however always admired people that lived their faith, and had this light about them of belief.  This comfort in their own skin and assurance for what comes next.  This is the next part of my story....


It was during high school that I started studying other religions in earnest, starting with the hundreds of Protestant churches around me.  

An Easter Tradition...why I miss Christianity, or at least the holidays

Neither my husband nor I practice any religion.  While I love studying and learning about religions I'm generally a failure at practicing them.  I tried Catholicism, I tried Protestantism and then I went a little wild in college and tried Islam. I have studied dozens of other faiths.  Those are all really long stories of their own, but in the end I ended up back where I was in the beginning.  Constantly wondering about the origins of the universe, where I came from, what my purpose is and what happens after we die. I have no answers to any of those questions, aside from deciding that I was going to stop thinking about dying and start living.  I wasn't going just to survive anymore, getting through each day, I'm going to get up and go do something, go see something and go make a memory.
Tangent about the meaning of life aside, the reason that I miss Christianity is because I miss the holidays and the community around them. I miss Easter dinner, eating ham around the table. All the warm fuzzies.  Atheists/agnostics don't really get holidays.  My husband and I don't celebrate Easter, so unless we go out (as we did one year) and dye eggs with a friend's son, it isn't a Sunday any different than any other.
I never really liked Easter that much growing up.  The weather in the north east seemed to always be either cold, rainy or both cold and rainy. I had to dress up in 'pretty' clothing, keep my tights clean and go to a really long Mass first thing in the morning.  Umm...in a 10 year olds world, none of that is fun.  I did however like the candy. I love jelly beans, although I'm rather picky about which ones I like.  I like letting chocolate melt on my tongue, and I especially loved this tradition we had in our family.
In my family you had  to work to get your Easter basket.  You want that chocolate? You want those jelly beans? Then you had to play the game.  Every year we had a an Easter Basket hunt with clues written on little pieces of paper leading to other clues around the house. And somehow there was always an Easter basket at the end, even if you had surreptitiously looked in the pots and pans, or in the tub before the actual start of the hunt and there was nothing there, in the end there was always one pristine Easter basket.  My parents were sneaky like that! There were places that there were always clues such as the piano, our favorite Beatles record (Sgt. Peppers), the dictionary or our encyclopedias.  We always had fun, and I can't wait to teach this tradition to my children.
Another tradition that we had is that my mom gives us toothbrushes on Easter (and in our Christmas stocking).  It seems fitting to get a tooth brush right before the start of the sugar rush holidays.  Also, my mom would always break the ears off of our bunnies.  When we were kids she would steal them (don't deny it mom!) but now she just cracks them off before she send them to us.  It is funny, but tends to confuse friends that wonder why we have broken candy in our baskets.  It still cracks me up when she sends me candy bunnies in the mail with broken ears.

What is your favorite part of the holidays? The warm fuzzy memories? The traditions?

Stupendous Saturday! Friends and yogurt...and mulch?

(insert big satisfied smiley face right here!)

What a great Saturday I have had.  My husband and I both had friends over, and it was a great day, even if it poured most of the day.
Yesterday morning Mona and I headed over to a meetup (with another group) and met some great people.  On the way out, they gave us these beautiful flowers!

This morning I decided to attempt to make yogurt after a friend sent me a link to the http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ recipe.  I only have skim milk and skim fage yogurt, so this might end badly, but oh well I can buy the proper ingredients next time!  After putting the ingredients in the crockpot, allowing the milk to heat for a couple of hours, stirring in the yogurt and letting it cool, I put it in the oven (OFF!) and covered it with everything I could find (including sending my friend upstairs to grab a towel to wrap around it.  I have two aprons around it, and there might be some place mats.  Whatever...it works!

you can't really see anything but the string hanging down from my apron

It says 'NO TOUCH! yogurt"  It was a small sticky note...and a bad marker!

Since I didn't want anyone preheating the oven and starting a massive fire, I also put a sign up...








One of the things that my friend Mar and I love doing is coloring.  No joke...I like it more now that I'm an adult than I did when I was in school.  This is our latest...project.  If it were more zoomed you could see how her side is perfectly even and beautiful and mine is...well me.  Not always inside the lines and uneven.  Pretty much sums up my personality-messy but effective...

It is hard to see, but it is apparently a picture of a sorcerer's chamber. The orange thing at the bottom was supposed to a lion. 

Last night the husband and  I hit up Costco for some serious produce.  Mona and I shared some of hers as well, so I now have mangos, cantaloupe, pineapple, avocados, a sweet potato, spinach and 2 asperagus shoots. I can eat asperagus, but no I don't like it.  This fact is making it really hard for me to finish.  I sort of gave mona most of it.
The menu this week worked pretty well.  The hubs either ate a couple of bites of my food or had it for left overs, which worked pretty well. I ended up cooking the hamburger meat yesterday, and then we can make tacos whenever we want.  We ate at Costco last night since we were there, which made me feel a little guilty but my husband doesn't deal well with hunger, so I had to feed to beast.  Here are some yummy produce shots...



Twice a year we apparently have to mulch our front garden.  This is okay in theory, but I didn't know jack about mulching.  I made a big mistake. Instead of getting the more expensive stuff that is darker, I got the cheap red crap that it looked like they had put down before.  Dyed...wood. What was I thinking?  Basically, I don't now won't eat anything out of the garden (there was an herb garden) because God knows what chemicals they use.  Oh well...lesson learned.  Next time, I'm getting cedar or pine. Does anyone know anything about using dyed mulch? I've never mulched before. I'm glad I was planning on simply container gardening anyways!

Before the red mulch fiastco I pulled out a bunch (no seriously, it takes over) of mint and decided to make mint lemonade from a recipe I found online.  It's good...I've had way too much. I ran out of lemon juice...two bottles. I should be shot for using it, but I had it on hand and...they did all the work for me! I just had to measure it, right?  It was a good project for 9pm.

That is it for tonight!  I'm thinking tomorrow will be low key.  I will try to get some pictures of our front garden now that it is mulched, even if I will grimace every time I look at it...just a little.

My day in pictures.

I had such an awesome time today! I woke up early, had breakfast, showered and headed over to visit my friend Eric.  After watching Megamind (hilarious!) and catching up I headed over to see my friend Sophia.  Eric and I have been friends ever since he started talking to me his freshman year in band class. I quit band, since I was getting tortured daily by this girl behind me (and oh yeah, private lessons actually taught me something) but I kept Eric.  Good  choices on my part. 
She requests that I write about how much I totally love her. Sophia--I LOVE YOU (and you are awesome)!
Now that that is out of the way, Soph is like my sister. In fact, I call her that frequently. She is awesome, fun and hilarious. She's 8 years younger than me, so when I graduated from high school I handed down my locker shelves that my dad made.   As we were leaving the middle school one woman asked if I wanted to join the PTA. I told her that I would have to have been eight years old to be Sophia's mom, and we walked out.  Nice to know that I can look mature occasionally, right? Either that or it speaks to how young some parents look. 


Picture time! People seem to love the pictures, and unless I run out of space on here I will continue to post copious quantities of them. 


First to Eric's house! 

Eric attempting to remove a dog from my lap

there are 3 dogs there all sniffling each other and attempting to sit in my lap.  The small dogs weren't bad, but that big dog is HUGE (like 250lbs).  Yes, one of the dogs is licking my chest (hence my laughing so hard)

When I arrived we were chipper and awake (mostly)

When I was younger my dad took me to this Chinese Buffet.  I felt this need to find it again to have lunch with Sophia. It isn't in as good of shape as it was 10 years ago, but the food was still yummy.  The wallpaper however, garish beyond all description, so of course I had to take a picture!

Yummy...

 Next we went to the mall where we walked around for awhile. On Monday I start water aerobics and I needed a swimsuit which we quickly found.  Basically I sent her out to get anything in my size, and then she told me which one she liked best. It worked well for me!
After seeking 'nourishing liquid' (in the form of Starbucks Frappachinos) we were getting tired and then saw...a Brookstone! I love Brookstone and I love the man there named Gary who hooked us up in these awesome massage chairs for 15 minute massages (he would have let us stay longer but we didn't want to hog the awesomeness).

relaxing 

I was captured

We saw this guy walking around with this odd thing on his head. It is a head massager.  Sophia gets migraines, and immediately fell in love with this device. Find it here!
It's experience, but man it works!

We each got a pillow too so we could get a sale and split the cost.  I finally got my memory foam pillow. I love it! We actually hung out on the tempurpedic beds in the back for awhile trying out all of the pillows.

My dorm room sure as heck wasn't this big!! Plus she's got a sink, and a bathroom across the hall. I'm a bit jealous. 

At the end of the day, we were tired but happy!

If anyone noticed that my shirt changed half way through the day, it was because the first thing I did when I got to my friend's dorm was buy a school t-shirt. It is so soft, and I'll advertise.  


Thank you my wonderful friends for a great day! Next my mom and I head back to my parents house so my dad and I can play with records.  Want to know what I'm talking about? Check back in a couple of days for details.

Friends!

Ohhhh it has been such a friendful week!  I drove from WV to my parents house, which wasn't too bad of a drive.  I just pop an audible book on my phone and away I go!

I'd like to put in an advertisement for www.audible.com.
I'm crazy for audio books. My dad read to me nightly as a kid. I grew up listening to his deep voice read The Hobbit, Watership Down: A Novel, James and the Giant Peach (and ever other Roald Dahl book), Gulliver's Travels (I was so little I had to ask what half the words meant) and too many other books to name. I remember reading him Journey to the Center of the Earth (Qualitas Classics) as he fixed his car. Books were a huge part of my life as a kid.  I could always find comfort losing myself in a book. In our house we didn't have to be cajoled into reading a book, but rather putting it down long enough to have a conversation.
I tell people my brother taught me how to read.  If he didn't (I now don't remember) he certainly set an amazing example of reading, as he was reading at a college level in...4th grade. Yes, smart kid and a great reader.  I remember how much he loved Steven King, long before any kid his age should have been able to understand them.  I now love audibles because I can put them on my phone, pop in some headphones and walk around my house cooking, cleaning, organizing and other stuff while still listening to a book.  They are addictive!

Today my mom and I drove from Ohio where they currently live, back to Indiana where we lived for close to 10 years.  First I dropped in on my friend Megan whom I went to school with for mannnny years.  We used to pass notes in 7th grade History class.  She now has an adorable two month old daughter and two very rambunctious dogs. I got a tour of her house, and got to sit and chat for awhile.

Next I got to see the other Eileen. No seriously, we are the Eileen's when we are together.  She has two of the cutest and sweetest little girls.  Her older daughter, now 4 (blows my mind) just crawled up in my lap like we were old friends and played a game with me.  It was so much fun!

How the Eileen's met is a funny story in itself.  See, there aren't too many Eileen's in our generation so when we came across another of our name we'd stop and discuss.  We were both at a Halloween party and when people heard my name, they would tell me there was another Eileen there. Eventually we met and the conversation went something like this, "Hi, my name is Eileen!"
"Oh my God, your name is Eileen too? That's my name!"
"Oh sweet, what's your middle name? Mine is Katherine."
"Gabrielle!"
"Pretty...wanna be friends?"
"Sure!"
Weren't things simple when you were a teenager?  So basically, we've been friends since.

It's weird to see people again after years when you keep in touch on facebook. For example, I hadn't seen Megan for years (since high school graduation) but seeing her again after keeping up with her life on facebook made it seem like we hadn't been apart for more than a couple of weeks.
Same with Eileen. I keep up with her life and children on facebook, and all the text pictures she sends me of her minions, so it really doesn't feel like we are apart.  I feel like I lost track of years of family member's lives before we had things like skype and cheap long distance phone calls.  I love that we can keep in contact with friends in Germany, or I can show my friend from WV my house over skype.  I love technology (when it works!)

Next...dinner with the family! I took my mom, brother and his girlfriend out for dinner to this little diner where we enjoyed a nice quiet dinner. Hahahahhaaha sorry I can't stop laughing at the thought of us behaving.  The three of us (mom, bro and me) are pretty loud and silly on our own, but add in the girlfriend and things were hilarious, kind of loud, full of joking swearing and other obscenities. I didn't get hit, and only threw a creamer at him once.  The four of us just snipe back in forth, in love.  I'm putting some pictures below. Shhh, don't tell Shawn since I pinky promised him I wouldn't put them on facebook. Wait, I didn't promise I wouldn't put them on my blog.  I'm feeling a little evil...

Tomorrow I'm off to visit more friends.  The awesomeness continues.

Brother not loving the loving lol

No seriously, the only way I got a picture was to make him laugh.

smirk...yes, his glasses are crooked.

My brother got a mustache out of a 75 cent vending thing, and my mom claimed it.  She didn't want me to put her picture up until I told her she was in a disguise so no one would recognize her...mwahahahaha...

Guest Post! New Years Resolution

My father in law is one of the most awesome, and unique people I have ever met. I feel blessed daily to have been handed this new and amazing family!  He wrote an essay a couple of years ago about his New Years Resolutions, and I loved it and wanted to post it here.  

New Year’s Resolutions

toward a new reality

on planet Earth

By Mani Pureheart

 

Meditating on my own personal resolutions for the New Year, I was once again made aware by Spirit of the bigger picture and the need for universal resolutions which could be implemented by everyone for the benefit of all mankind. Here they are. I'm sure there must be more, so feel free to send me your suggestions, and feel free to pass this among your friends as well. Please include this entire essay, which is copyrighted. I can be reached at ManiPureheart@Gmail.com.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In order to bring myself and this world further into peace, balance, Love and Lightness of Be-ing I will do my best in each moment to remember and abide by the following resolutions:

 

I hereby resolve to:

  Treat and think of every human being as a brother or sister in each moment and in every circumstance.

It does not matter what their nationality is or what those in power in my government, church or clique of the moment tell me that I should think about them. They are each my Brother; they are each my Sister. Each one has hope, beliefs, fears; they have families. They have good days and bad days just as I do.

Some may seem to be threatening for they live in fear and the shadow of fear and the most common response to fear is to assume an attitude of possible retaliation or attack. When this happens and neither side dares to back down, each group demonizes the other, creating Them and Us scenarios that those in power can use to further manipulate us into doing their twisted will. I will not succumb to the lies and half-truths of the government, the churches and the press. I will believe and follow my own heart and Love these ‘others’.

It does not matter if they are richer than I or far poorer in material wealth. Those who have the appearance of wealth are not happier. In many cases they are trapped by their wealth in a non-caring existence and are often as unhappy as those without resources, though in different areas. Money has only one purpose, and that is to buy freedom. If one is already free inside, the lack of money is minimized as a problem in their life.

 

I will respect my own body

 because it is the vehicle for my soul on this Earth adventure and if I am going to be here for a long time I would prefer to have a vehicle in good working order. I will give it the correct amounts of the correct fuels, give it sufficient down-time for maintenance, and take it out for full throttle runs occasionally to make sure that everything works the way it is intended to. I will take it to the appropriate tune-up specialist whenever necessary, and will abide by their suggestions as long as they seem to be ‘correct’ to me.

 

I will be patient with those who seek to acquire ever more,

 knowing that they are living out and creating their Karma in each transaction and that Karma is never punishment but only balance, and it will not be denied.

 

I will attempt to share what I can with those who have less than I.

 In doing so, I will remember that I must first honor my own perceived needs and those of my family, so that I can stay healthy enough financially to keep giving to and supporting those who appear less fortunate in the world.

 

I will show compassion to those who are confused and hurt by life

 and offer support to the best of my ability to those who are willing to accept it, though not to those who would abuse the offer through greed.

 

I will not take anything personally,

 because I do understand that ALL THINGS are in Divine order; that ALL THINGS serve my soul in its journey into Divinity. I will remember that EVERYTHING happens FOR me – that NOTHING happens TO me.

 

I will not beat myself up

 over errors in judgment or action which I seem to have made, nor will I allow others to demean me, for I have self-respect, self-love and self-knowledge. Either that which they say is true, in which case it serves me, or it is false, in which case it carries no weight in the greater scheme of things.

 

I will Love my Brother, Love my Sister as myself

 for ALL beings are One, and in that One-ness is Divinity itself. Whenever I do something to harm another, I harm not only them, but myself and All that Is.

 

I will Love this planet, and support her health and repair.

 I will be considerate of how much and why I drive, pollute and use the Earth’s bounty. I will conserve whenever possible and recycle as much as I can, in order to give my children and theirs a planet which can support them – and itself.

 

I will be Loving and supportive of the animal kingdom;

 all who crawl, walk, hop, slither, swim or fly, for they too are my relations, my brothers and sisters. So long as they do not appear to threaten myself or my family, I will leave them in peace and assist them as I am allowed.

 

I will reach ever higher

 in and through the belief system of my choice toward the Divinity that I am, that we all are. I will attempt to manifest its highest teachings in my every word, my every thought, my every deed and my every prayer. I will BE Love to the extent of my ability in each moment.

 

I will make every effort to understand

 those whose beliefs differ from mine, because perception DOES create reality, and, through their different perceptions, they live in a reality which is not mine, though it is related. I will honor their path so long as it does not appear to threaten my right to follow mine. There are as many paths to the Divinity as there are souls, yet there is but one path, and every soul knows it.

 

I will not seek power over others,

 nor will I allow them to assert undue power over me and mine. When it appears that others have given me power over them, I will not misuse it nor will I perpetuate that situation; rather I will do everything in my power to assist them in reclaiming their own power.  Evil is simply the misuse of power (Ego), and I will not participate.

 

I will not succumb to greed,

 nor will I think of myself as undeserving. I will gratefully accept that which the Cosmos offers me, and when it offers abundance, I will share with others as an agent of All that Is.

 

I will not judge,

 but I will use discernment and try to place myself in another’s situation in order to understand their decisions and actions. When they appear to me to have made unfortunate decisions and actions, I will make every attempt for my main focus to be compassion, and my main action to assist.

 

I will be ever the Student – never the Victim.

 I will remember and live in each moment my sure knowledge that ALL EVENTS serve me by my soul’s request, that they offer me lessons which helps to move my soul further along the path of self-awareness and self-fulfillment.

 

I will avoid anger, for anger is the tool of the Victim.

 Victimization occurs when we or something we love or support seems to be threatened by diminishment. The quickest (and dirtiest) way to recover that supposed diminishment is to puff ourselves up with anger – to make ourselves appear larger than life – like a cat in a battle – in order to intimidate our perceived ‘enemy’ and make them back off. If it is effective it can become very addictive, because it can be seen as a ‘power’ of its own. This is a very destructive path to walk, and I will not step there.

 

I will always be open to new information and ideas.

 Simply because I am open to them does not mean that I have to accept them, but I WILL listen to them. To shut the mind shuts the doors to the growth of the soul, and that is spiritual death. I choose to LIVE!

 

And finally, I will BE LOVE

to the best of my ability in each moment of every day. I will BE LOVE in every word, in every thought, in every deed and in every prayer. I will live my dream of becoming the brightest spiritual light that I am capable of, of touching the lives of others with that Love and of making them aware that they, too are that light.

These things I resolve from this day forward.

 

                        Mani Pureheart

                        www.i4c4u.com

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