I have really been struggling since my last post. I was on a downswing before I went to the doctor and since she took me off of the SSRI's that I would use to get out of depressive states, I can't seem to get out of this funk.
Last week I was prescribed abilify. I could go on a rant about how I detest taking new to market drugs with no generic (only $588 dollars before insurance!), or how the side effects (increase risk of death!) scare me shitless, but really I'm fighting the whole 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it!' aspect of this diagnoses. I know that typical depression meds work for me. I had been taking them on and off for the last decade, and it was my own negligence of remembering, or wanting to take a pill that probably led to 99% of failure that I may have had with them. Since I know that I needed something, and I don't really like feeling like an evil witch, on edge and ready to snap at the first person to look at me, I sucked it up and got the abilify. Abilify...how I flipping hate thee. How can I say that after one day? I haven't slept...all flipping night. I like, no love and treasure my sleep. I do NOT like laying down at 10:30, being awakened around 11 by my husband's snoring, and then falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep waking up, fall....okay you get the picture, for the next 4 hours to just finally give up at 2:30 am and come downstairs to watch Glee. I love Glee, but I'm just not a fan of 3am. Hell..I'm not even TIRED anymore. Let's see what other fantastic side effects that I get from a medicine that I don't think is right for me.
Thank you to everyone that wrote to me, both publicly and privately after my last post. It still blows my mind when people call me because they read my blog, or the first thing some relative that I don't frequently talk to says is "I read your blog!" While it is hard, feeling like I frequently have to censor myself, I do truly enjoy writing here.
I go on Tuesday to have lots of blood drawn and have a sonogram to test for PCOS. If you haven't had one of those lovely procedures done, I'll just let it surprise you down the line. There is nothing like having to drink 30oz of water in an hour and not be allowed to pee!
This past week I have done lots of activities. It has been a struggle to go, but having people there that I know and care about helps a huge deal. On Monday we tried out water Zumba. I was disappointed that it wasn't a difficult work out. In fact, my water aerobics with the old people earlier in the day is usually a lot easier. I'm oscillating between not wanting to take it again, or just do two classes on Monday. On Tuesday we had book club. I enjoy Water for Elephants so much that I...don't want to see the movie. I worry they will butcher a beautiful story. On Wednesday was yoga. We make an intention at the beginning of the class. Mine was "to be present." I wanted to be there, to enjoy and feel each pose and not spend the whole class wondering when it was over. I think that the rainy weather just got everyone down. My mom showed up late Wednesday night, so yesterday we ran some errands (because nothing says 'hi mom! like a visit to Costco) and todayyyy we have a charity bingo game tonight. I'm really looking forward to 'bingo for boobies!' I have boobies, and as it turns out, I like bingo as well (even if I'll never win anything). As you have probably guessed, it is a charity event.
Here is to getting out of a funk! *raises water bottle*
What did you do this last week? Are you feeling down because of all this rain?