Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm sorry...Thank you.

I'm sorry....
I'm sorry if I'm really grouchy. I can't get out of this funk.
I'm sorry if I am really sensitive.  Right now it is a lot worse than it usually is.
I'm sorry if I don't call you when you ask me to. I detest talking on the phone but I love skpying and texting. I promise--I want to hear from you, all of you.
I'm sorry if I take something you say the wrong way. I am learning patience.
I'm sorry if I forget to do something that you ask me to do. My memory sort of sucks.
I'm sorry if I'm tired and not interested in doing stuff.  I do want to spend time with you, and knowing you care makes all the difference.
I'm sorry if my house isn't clean enough. I can't muster up enough energy.
I'm sorry that I'm not showing you a good time while you visit.  I still love you.
I'm sorry that even though I want nothing more than to show you how much I love you, all I can do is criticize.
I'm sorry I'm so damn critical.
I'm sorry if I'm mean to you.  If it make it any better--I'm a heck of a lot meaner to myself.
I'm sorry that I can't think of something to write in an email to you--I really do want to hear from you and know how you are doing.
I'm sorry for leaving you. I miss you a lot.
I'm sorry I can't get out of this funk.  I WILL seek help...I will not stop trying until I find medicine that works for me and a note for the people over the years have told me that depression is just in your head and not a disease?  You can suck it.  No seriously, live for an hour, a day, a week in this dark depressing place where you can't control how you act or feel and you would never be so cruel as to tell something that they are just too weak to fight depression.  I'm not sorry for being rude to you.

Thank you....
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for leaving me messages
Thank you for sending me cards in the mail with cute stamps.
Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on.
Thank you for doing my dishes when I can't get up.
Thank you for not judging me, not hating me, not criticizing me back.
Thank you for staying home and giving up a good parking spot because you would rather talk to me than leave annoyed or angry.
Thank you for your patience, kindness and never ending love.
Thank you for not letting me insult myself.

Thank you for propping me up.  I am nothing without the amazing people around me.  These past weeks have been a struggle, but at the same time have been a time of compassion and encouragement as I have shared my journey.  Thank you. All of you.  Yeah, you too.

And thank you for kitties that love me (or at least tolerate being  squeezed)


  1. *Hug* Love you sweetie. I understand and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

  2. I found this to have an interesting perspective:

  3. you're welcome for the cards with stamps :)


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