Maybe it is PMS, or maybe it was boredom but I made yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting today. From scratch. Double boiler to melt the chocolate and all. What took the longest was letting my eggs and such get to room temperature. The cupcakes were/are so good. So good in fact, that I will be sending the rest to work with my husband to work tomorrow.
My back has been killing me this last week. I knew it would happen again, but I was so psyched that it stopped hurting after I had my tonsils taken out (something about narcotics and sleeping for 10 days) but after yoga the other day, the stretching and such really 'woke' up and pissed off my lower back. When it began hurting, before I knew I had a herniated disc, it would hurt on the right side. Now, the pain has mostly moved to the left. It is this odd feeling too, aside from the pain it is this incredible weakness in your trunk. There are days where I think that my entire lower half is going to collapse, and just cease to work. I am thankful daily for the ability to move at all, especially move without pain. I just recovered from one surgery and I damn well don't want to have another, but I do wonder frequently if surgery would help this problem.
I've been told my entire life that losing weight will fix my life. I'll be happier when I'm skinnier, I won't get headaches, PMS, cramps, trouble getting pregnant, back pain, or attacks from gremlins if I lose weight. Well ya know what? I'm not happy TRYING to lose weight. Why is it about the weight? Why? I was a hell of a lot healthy 5-10 pounds heavier when I was working out with a trainer 3x week, going to the chiropractor, and muscular as hell. The ONLY reason I've lost weight, and sustained that lost weight since having surgery is because my muscles are atrophying from lack of use! I want to live a healthy life. Yeah, I made cupcakes today, and YES I used two sticks of REAL butter in them, but I'm not planning on eating all 12 of them! I could walk more, eat more vegetables, drink more water, and eat less but don't we ALL have things that we wish we did, and didn't do well enough? I'm done worrying about my weight. Screw it, I'm going to love me, for me. I've got a lot to offer--my husband certainly thinks so, and I AM happy. If the end of the world comes, I'll be the last to starve mwhahahah watch out skinny people--evolution is on my side now!
To clarify (cause my husband asked) I am NOT going to turn into a gluttonous fool, but rather that I am sick of fixating on a number on a scale. I am sick of beating myself up for not being good enough. I will strive daily to be my best, but when I fail it is okay.
1 1/2 cups (195 grams) all purposeflour
1 cup (200 grams) granulated whitesugar
1 1/2 teaspoonsbaking powder
1/2 cup (113 grams) unsaltedbutter, room temperature (cut into pieces)
1 large egg, room temperature
2 large egg yolks, room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons purevanillaextract
1/2 cup (120 ml) sour cream or whole plain yogurt, room temperature
Chocolate Fudge Frosting:
4 ounces (120 grams) unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
2/3 cup (150 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Colored Sprinkles or Shaved Chocolate
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (177 degrees C) and lightly butter or line 12 muffin cups with paper liners.
In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat to combine the, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the butter, egg, egg yolks, vanilla extract, and sour cream. Beat the wet and dry ingredients together at medium speed until the batter is smooth and satiny, about 30 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. If necessary, stir the batter with auntil the flour is fully incorporated.
Evenly fill the muffin cups with the batter and bake for about 20-25 minutes or until pale gold and a toothpick inserted into a cupcake comes out clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack to cool. Once the cupcakes have completely cooled, frost with icing. You can either spread the frosting on the cupcakes with a small spatula or, if piping, use a large Wilton 1M open or closed star tip to make lovely swirls. These cupcakes are best the day they are made, although they will keep for a few days at room temperature.
Frosting: Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl placed over a saucepan of simmering water. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.
In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the butter until smooth and creamy (about 1 minute). Add the sugar and beat until it is light and fluffy (about 2 minutes). Beat in the vanilla extract. Add the chocolate and beat on low speed until incorporated. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat until frosting is smooth and glossy (about 2 -3 minutes).
Makes 12 cupcakes