Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Amazing cupcakes and rant....

warning: this isn't the happiest post...but I needed to rant. 

Maybe it is PMS, or maybe it was boredom but I made yellow cupcakes with chocolate frosting today.  From scratch. Double boiler to melt the chocolate and all. What took the longest was letting my eggs and such get to room temperature.  The cupcakes were/are so good. So good in fact, that I will be sending the rest to work with my husband to work tomorrow.  

My back has been killing me this last week. I knew it would happen again, but I was so psyched that it stopped hurting after I had my tonsils taken out (something about narcotics and sleeping for 10 days) but after yoga the other day, the stretching and such really 'woke' up and pissed off my lower back.  When it began hurting, before I knew I had a herniated disc, it would hurt on the right side.  Now, the pain has mostly moved to the left. It is this odd feeling too, aside from the pain it is this incredible weakness in your trunk.  There are days where I think that my entire lower half is going to collapse, and just cease to work.  I am thankful daily for the ability to move at all, especially move without pain.  I just recovered from one surgery and I damn well don't want to have another, but I do wonder frequently if surgery would help this problem.  

I've been told my entire life that losing weight will fix my life.  I'll be happier when I'm skinnier, I won't get headaches, PMS, cramps, trouble getting pregnant, back pain, or attacks from gremlins if I lose weight. Well ya know what? I'm not happy TRYING to lose weight.  Why is it about the weight? Why? I was a hell of a lot healthy 5-10 pounds heavier when I was working out with a trainer 3x week, going to the chiropractor, and muscular as hell.  The ONLY reason I've lost weight, and sustained that lost weight since having surgery is because my muscles are atrophying from lack of use!  I want to live a healthy life.  Yeah, I made cupcakes today, and YES I used two sticks of REAL butter in them, but I'm not planning on eating all 12 of them! I could walk more, eat more vegetables, drink more water, and eat less but don't we ALL have things that we wish we did, and didn't do well enough?  I'm done worrying about my weight.  Screw it, I'm going to love me, for me. I've got a lot to offer--my husband certainly thinks so, and I AM happy.  If the end of the world comes, I'll be the last to starve mwhahahah watch out skinny people--evolution is on my side now!

To clarify (cause my husband asked) I am NOT going to turn into a gluttonous fool, but rather that I am sick of fixating on a number on a scale. I am sick of beating myself up for not being good enough.  I will strive daily to be my best, but when I fail it is okay.  

Cupcake recipe:

1 1/2 cups (195 grams) all purposeflour
1 cup (200 grams) granulated whitesugar
1 1/2 teaspoonsbaking powder
1/2 cup (113 grams) unsaltedbutter, room temperature (cut into pieces)
1 large egg, room temperature
2 large egg yolks, room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons purevanillaextract
1/2 cup (120 ml) sour cream or whole plain yogurt, room temperature
Chocolate Fudge Frosting:
4 ounces (120 grams) unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
2/3 cup (150 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/3 cups (160 grams)confectioners(powdered or icing) sugar, sifted
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
Colored Sprinkles or Shaved Chocolate

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (177 degrees C) and lightly butter or line 12 muffin cups with paper liners.
In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat to combine theflour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the butter, egg, egg yolks, vanilla extract, and sour cream. Beat the wet and dry ingredients together at medium speed until the batter is smooth and satiny, about 30 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. If necessary, stir the batter with arubberspatulauntil the flour is fully incorporated.
Evenly fill the muffin cups with the batter and bake for about 20-25 minutes or until pale gold and a toothpick inserted into a cupcake comes out clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack to cool. Once the cupcakes have completely cooled, frost with icing. You can either spread the frosting on the cupcakes with a small spatula or, if piping, use a large Wilton 1M open or closed star tip to make lovely swirls. These cupcakes are best the day they are made, although they will keep for a few days at room temperature.
ChocolateFrosting: Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl placed over a saucepan of simmering water. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature.
In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the butter until smooth and creamy (about 1 minute). Add the sugar and beat until it is light and fluffy (about 2 minutes). Beat in the vanilla extract. Add the chocolate and beat on low speed until incorporated. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat until frosting is smooth and glossy (about 2 -3 minutes).
Makes 12 cupcakes

Read more:http://www.joyofbaking.com/YellowCupcakes.html#ixzz1BRiilczb

Read more:http://www.joyofbaking.com/YellowCupcakes.html#ixzz1BRieWriQ


  1. AGREED! A number is just a number and you are freaking beautiful!

  2. I don't go by my number but I do look at it from time to time. BUT the moment I realized that I can drive my van without my fat roll touching my arms- I screamed super loud. While driving. I may or may not have looked like a lunatic. But it was a good moment.

  3. *SO* proud of you for realising that the weight thing is a load of bollox! Being healthy is important, but health isn't a number on the scale. Our world is so full of fat-opression and sizeism, and it's easy to buy into their bullshit. (And you know what? The thin people? The fit people in the gyms? They get sick, hav injuries, etc, and they'll die too someday, just like those of us with a bit more meat on our bones! :) You are a wonderful, fantastic person with so much to give in life, don't ever let anyone- especially YOU- judge you by the scale or the clothing size!

  4. The cupcakes look super yummy! Plus yellow cake/choc. frosting is my favorite. :)
    That sucks that you are having such trouble with your back. If it's not one thing, it's two, right?!
    Good for you for focusing on your health and happiness. Even the skinniest people around don't do that, most of the time. I agree that lowest weight does not equal best you (or best anyone). But it's much better to eat a few yummy cupcakes and enjoy life, damnit!


I love comments and promise to read all of them! If you have a problem posting just email me at eileenkward at gmail dot com