Tuesday, February 15, 2011

decisions decisions decisions

One of the many things that I love about my husband is how he takes things that could be turned into fights in other couples, and instead of reacting explosively, he uses it as an opportunity to understand where those feelings, insecurities and uncertainties are coming from.
Last night I had a...lets call it a moment. It involved some tears and a little hopelessness and it could have been a lot more than a moment if hubby hadn't talked me through it, helped me and held me.  The gist of it is, I'm lonely.  Not only am I lonely but I'm floating around in life and aside from being a mother have had no other 'goal' since I graduated from college.  I would like to find a job that fulfills me and that I find interesting (and have applied for a couple) but it is a waiting game.  I have things I'd like to work on, but motivation seems lacking. I miss having friends like I did in WV. I miss being able to walk down the hill to our friend's house, open the door with my key, and walk in to be immediately smiled upon and loved on by a drooling one year old.  I just miss the comfort of my old life.
It all comes back to old insecurities. I don't know many people here, and it seems people here are a lot busier than people in WV. It is hard for me to get out and meet people because I don't know where to go, what to do and how not to appear as awkward and out of place as I did, DAILY during middle and high school.
So...enough complaining; what am I going to do about it?

  • I am taking a yoga class, and while the women in my class aren't really 'friend' material (most are much older) it does get me out of the house.  I'd like to do it 2-3x week instead of once.
  • Meetup.com; I want to find some meetups, especially crafty ones where I can at least find some likeminded crafty people
  • neighbors. I know I have them, but I don't know any of them.  I will talk to my landlady about any groups and such she was involved in.  

As far as the feeling wondering in life, I am going to try to establish a schedule so that I get my projects, language work and computer programming work done instead of talking about how I want to do it.  I suck at self motivation, so perhaps this will be the opportunity to help change that.

What do you do to drum up some motivation, and keep yourself from sitting on the couch watching bad television?  What keeps you motivated? I used to get my motivation from deadlines and due dates, but not working means there aren't really repercussions for not meeting deadlines.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Eileen,

    I'll discuss this more with you through a more private source, but I'll write a little something here.

    Volunteer. Find a school mentoring program, or something like I have that provides mentors for foster kids, or kids with parents who are incarcerated...or something.

    Volunteering gets you meeting people with the same interest, can build your resume if you do it enough, you'll network with the people running the programs. It's incredibly fulfilling. I once said, If I could get paid to volunteer, I'd be the happiest. (the next comment from my friend was, "Well, then it wouldn't be "volunteering" would it?" Shucks!)

    Doesn't have to be with kids, could be with animals, or nature, or anything. Look into some programs like that.

    Also, I have serious problems with motivation (whether you believe it or not). I'm trying out a strategy of making a "happy box." In it are the little things that remind me how assume I am, a really touching card from a friend, things that make me smile. It's rather bare now, with only a few items. But it's not about filling it, it's about making sure it's effective when I need it.

    Write on the walls. OK, buy a roll of easel paper and write out goals, amibitions, passions, feelings, hopes..dreams... and post them on the wall. Helps when you see it and can think about it. I have a few of these, planning for many more.

    Oh yeah, and A's definitely a keeper, but you didn't need me to tell you that.


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